Lore of the Angels Ch. 01

wow.

I wasn't really expecting this. I saw your note on my ITVL and thought I'd check your profile and when I saw this one story I thought, why not just read it. It's just one. And now I'm dying to know what's next. That is one major cliff hanger there.

What I like about this is that... it's different. I'd never put angels with elements before... I mean I thought angels and demons and stuff like that. So this is a refreshing piece that's different from my usual vamp-were stuff.

So keep writing! =)

intriguing...

Okay you've caught my attention. Next chapter pls!

Interesting...

I think this Aria is going to give the Archangel alot of trouble. The banter between them is quite energetic. lol. But I really liked the flow of this story and I want to know what happens next. Keep writing!

5 points&Love it...

I really really really wanna know what happens next!!! Next chapter asap :)

wow!!!!

More please and quickly :), am usually into the were genre of story but this one has captured my interest already for something different! Excellent start

Great story

Really good chapter can't wait for the next!! You should read Angels' blood by nalini singh!! Its a great story

Great start!

This sounds like it could be a great story! I can't wait for the next chapter.

~Nightime

Love it

I loved this first chapter. Please write more...Awaiting your updates .

More more more

Love this story and it's only the first chapter. More please!!!

come on

This is the best non human story I have read so far. It's a breath of fresh air. Please don't wait to long for the second installment, this has got me so excited for whats to come.

WOW!!!

Want more now. What a great first story!

argh!

You can't leave us hanging there! Pls say that the next chapter is coming soon! This is seriously one of the best ideas I've read on Lit. I mean it's fresh and you're creating this fantasy world that I've never heard of before and I'm starting to believe it! It's totally different from the usual stuff ya.
Excellent first job and can't wait for more!

cant wait 4 more.... This story is awesome....

*blinks rapidly*

gooolllyyy....i thought it was real for a minute.....couldn't belive this was new....*sigh* should've checked if it was a new story first before reading...i hate waiting for unfinished stories...some authors don't finish what they started...

Moore

Want moore now....
Love it

Damn!

Thank god there's a next chapter or I'd die wondering how she's going to survive that jump! Thanks mate. This is absolutely kick ass.

really enjoying this...

...but you asked for feedback!
You keep changing tenses within the story,
"Aria was a Valkyrie –specifically an Ayn; trained in the art of stealth, disguise and intelligence. In other words, she's a spy."
should be "she was a spy."
Slightly distracts for me but it's nice to see something so fresh. Please continue.

to anon with the grammar check

isn't the apostrophe to contract the word is/was and are/were?

to the author...read the 2nd chapter and it's getting better plot-wise...although i have to agree some grammar checks need to be done...find an editor if u don't have one yet but so far love what you've offered....it certainly is different from the usual vampire and were themes going on mostly in the nonhuman genre...your angels certainly seem more substantial than the usual angels being written up LOL....keep writing pls!

First

this being your first submission I think you did a great job. I would rather the story be good and the grammar need a little work than the other way around. I going to read chapter 2 now!

I like the story.

And both protagonists. You change from past to present tense and back quite a few times, though. Your writing is mostly in past tense, so maybe you should stick with that. I'm glad there are more chapters. Going to read them now!

Sweet!

In all my years of reading sci-fi and fantasy this
is unlike anything else. I'm looking forward to Ch 2 and 3
as I just ran into this story. Hot Da**, there are new things
in the universe! An amazing 1st submission.

Enjoy this story but for ...

I like your story so far very much but this thing with the "Master" (always makes me think of slaves) , which I do not enjoy at all... Hopefully You will think this over a bit and change it to a more equal story between the two of them - otherwise keep up the good work.

LOVE THIS!!!

I am so excited to read the rest of this story!!! So far so AMAZING! I just finished reading Nalini Singh's Archangel series and I can't get enough of Archangels!! Please, please, please continue the great work!!

Excited!

I'm moving on the next chapters now! But this chapter has completely got my attention. Amazing!

This is very similar

to Nalini Singh's Guild Hunter series; almost too similar. I think a lot of your heroine's dialogue is random and a bit trite. However, I'm a geek for sci-fi romance... and thus I proceed.

good

but I agree with Willowedcabin-this was incredibly similar to Nalini Singhs Guild Hunters, except I think your heroine needs more polishing. Slightly wooden maybe-just a suggestion.

Good but fundamentally flawed.

Dont know about this guild hunters thing, although ill probably check that out. What i do know is that while this has potential, its severely lacking. You need an editor. Rapid tense changes (within single sentences even) caused me pain, run on sentences were unimpressive, and the overall feel of the writing just wasnt right. It seemed like you were in such a rush to write your ideas that you did it shorthand rather than writing a fundamentally sound and high quality story. With some revision this can be good. Maybe that will happen or has happened already in future installments. I guess ill find out.

I love it!

An intriguing beginning and a very promising story. I see you are still updating it, please continue!

Initial impressions

I'm going to continue reading, but I thought I'd leave a record of my initial reaction to the story.

I like the way you establish the setting and the world without making it feel like an encyclopaedia entry. Your character development is also better than I would have expected from a first-time author. In other words, your artistic vision is excellent and I look forward to seeing how the story plays out.

However, on a technical level this chapter is a mess. I've seen much worse, but it's still a bit disconcerting at times. In particular, you seem to have no grasp of tenses at all. You also misuse a few words, but the seemingly random tense jumps threaten me with a headache. Hopefully this cleared up as you went along (you're up to 13 chapters as I write this), so I'll defer more detailed feedback until I finish Chapter 13. :)