Stolen Light

I'm wondering if

the penultimate stanza wouldn't do better split between S3 and S5 or rearranging so that the 'fickle mothers' bit could stand alone. The fickle mothers line is too important and needs to be clearly sounded--right now, it seems to be buried in the pocket.

Now that I've critiqued, I can gush:
Your poetry is a lot like Tibetan singing bowls. Every stanza chimes and reverberates, a snowball effect as the eye travels, making a multicolored, harmonic picture. Very compelling.