All Comments on 'Fallen Girls and Holidays Ch. 01'

by SeesFourEver

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7 Comments

Anonymousalmost 13 years ago

Next?

Really looking forward to your next installment. It has the feel of something that really happened.

So of course it didn't. Well written!

LoneStarRider almost 13 years ago

Good Start.

From this one-pager, this story has the appearances of being an outstanding work.

Thanks for the warning, but the opening disclaimer about the potential for delays after the first few chapters is a bit disconcerting. It's good to look forward to the next chapter; it's not so good to have to wait long enough between them to need to re-read the most recent posting, to remember just where the storyline had taken the reader.

But, we can be optimistic.

sailordblj1966 almost 13 years ago

Nice Start

A really nice start to this story with enough little morsels to keep it interesting and wanting more to read. Can't wait for the next chapter keep up the good work.

Sidney43 almost 13 years ago

Nice start

Good early development and nice writing style. Hopefully not too long between chapters, as it is easy to miss the next installment among the daily clutter.

One minor point, Bree screaming and screaming as depicted would surely have drawn the attention of campus security??

Anonymousalmost 13 years ago

Jumping on the Bandwagon

Add my voice to the chorus, this was a well-written start to what I hope continues on to be a good story.

Also, add a "me to" to the note on Ty's "screams" in a dorm common area at 6:00 AM on a Monday morning. Even in a college dorm, there will be some people up and about at that time who could/would/should have reacted even if no security person was around. I suspect in time Ty will reveal the reason behind that reaction, but, as written, the screams were implied to have gone on long enough to have been noticed. A minor quibble in an overall good read - but it did jar at least two of us when we read it to mention it.

Lit: Tyro999