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Spring Tide

byGuiltyPleasure©
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by Anonymous

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by twelveoone05/28/11

A5

what it does do, is go in a very unexpected place. A small suggestion:
Sand-stranded starfish
lie wrapped in shrouds of seaweed,
the alliteration of "s" builds to
curled in dry agony too late
I feel the continuation of "s" on the other side detracts, and would have been better with another word choice.

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by simply__me05/29/11

I've

been to this place.

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by ishtat05/30/11

!

I can see what 1201 means about the esses but I don't agree with him because when I hear myself read it, those lines sound fine.

Not too keen on the first and last lines though, 'extra low tide' reminds me of discounted washing powder at the Supermarket ( Does 'Tide' still exist as a brand name?) Something like 'At lowest ebb' might remove my thoughts of dirty washing!

'for survival' superfluous perhaps?

But as always your observed world is a good place to go. V.

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