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waiting for a birth

byseannelson©
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by Anonymous

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by simply__me06/05/11

enjoyed

the highlight is the fourth stanza

i do not think the first stanza is needed, but just my opinion

the title sets the stage

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by twelveoone06/05/11

S.

this is a good line
so the hours stretch out like deserts
I would think about the insertion of the article "the" before desert. ya know for the extra stretch.
the rest..some of it looks like running over the same ground.
other, it would be nice to see a little involvement, like comments on others. I did not vote.

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by Desejo06/06/11

somehow

This doesn't hold together for me. Maybe along the same lines as what Simply_me says about the first stanza not being needed. The third staza seems out of place to me - a different theme altogether. Just feel like I am missing something here, and the poem is interesting enough to wonder what that is :)

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by UnderYourSpell06/06/11

~

I don't think you need the line 'meals the lizards they catch' at all and the explanation that is stanza one is superfluous and prosy

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