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Circus

bySpindrift©
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by Anonymous

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by twelveoone06/13/11

better

Not bad opener
Amidst the silent adrenalin din,
I feel them, circular, staring in,
A5, don't take it serious. keep in this vein, you'll do better.

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by UnderYourSpell06/13/11

~

you don't need the comma after 'staring in' and it would flow better without each line starting with a capital letter

I feel them, circular, staring in

at us, our feet churning the dust,
together alone in the ring,

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by Anonymous06/13/11

:D

hallelujer!

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