Vortex

Very good!

~

I would have enjoyed it more if it didn't look like a Christmas tree

Pretty good

let's take what UYS said, suppose you had inverted the sight structure, more appropriate shape, despite the fact shape poetry generally is lame, that might have worked, the words are generally good, slightly portentous. A 5

"demons" needed a precedent IMO to justify its inclusion. Otherwise, just hint at it; too declarative.

i found

the layout off-putting, breaking this apart too much even though it's possible you intend for exactly that look to underline the scattering, the breaking apart, of us into 'dust'... reading it, though, it didn't work for me in a positive way to aid the write.

now, the wording, though... that i like. most of it anyway. not sure about 'very' in 'the very air', and whilst the image of the knives works with the concept of 'dissecting' i'm struggling a little combining 'air' and 'knives'. but i do do do like the conceit of the air praying for 'a gentler breed of demons'. that phrase lingers....