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Well written but needs more length per chapter
Good start to the story. Not every chapter needs to have sex to be satisfying.
A good story is more than enough as long as it has a sprinkling of sex in it (and god-forbid, sometimes even when there isn't).
In terms of length though I am hoping this is a teaser chapter and the next chapters will be much longer in length though.
Keep up the good work and keep the next chapters coming.
Potential
Good scene development and imagery, as well as good development of personality of the victim. This story has some potential and you are better then many as a starting writer.
An excellent start
I agree with previous comments- I'll take an 80/20 Story/Sex split anytime, especially when the writing is so polished and original.
Don't get me wrong- I occasionally just want writhing limbs, wet pussies and plunging cocks and all, but there are plenty of places to get all of that.
This is good stuff- don't let the fact that not everyone rates it a 5 get to you: it certainly doesnt mean this isnt quaility work, and I hope to see more of the like!
mmm.. i like the start
excited about this one x i will be one of your 'regulars' hahaa x
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