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English
Very hot start
I like it so far, on to part 2
Please
leave out the Spanish part. I don't think it adds to the story at all. Make them just whispering or something. It's distracting.
Just For Fun****
Story something good to read. Thanks for sharing.
don't know where
Don't know where you found that "Spanish" but puto means male prostitute, usually inferring gay.
So this is way wrong:
"Oh Dios Dee, sigo sonando con Carlos me puto.
Translation: Oh God Dee, I keep dreaming about Carlos, fucking me.
After that it was no longer enough to hold my interest.
(Another) Problem
If Carlos does NOT speak Spanish and the story is being told by HIM (first person point of view) HOW in hell is he able to report what is being said in Spanish? It would sound like 'Blah, blah, blah!'. The ONLY way (that I can think of) around that would be to change the PoV to 'The fly on the wall' (or omniscient narrator!)
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