It would be very difficult to write a story where the writer is in the dark about what is being said because then the readers are totally in the dark as well. Your device is a way around that, but it's very distracting to keep switching languages. It completely interrupts the flow of the story.
Sorry, I had to bail before I finished it. Not sure what you changed to post it again, but I skimmed it and it is still difficult to read for the reasons I stated.
If you're going to write a story where Spanish is an important part of the story, then you need to learn a LOT more Spanish. Using word-for-word translation is bad enough but you don't even get those words right ('puto', for example, is not a verb - it means either a male prostitute, or sometimes an easy homo 'catcher' !)
On another level, it is tricky for even experienced authors to rely mostly on conversation to convey a story comfortably, and just as difficult to use third-person exposition while maintaining interest. Your stories are, IMHO, much too dependent on conversation.
Thanks, Stalking-Anon, I thought this might have been another story under BigCarl's name, but didn't see it in his pub-list, so now I have made essentially the same comments for the same story in two places!
Ch 2 please, for someone who reads a lot I like to think that this adventure has promise.
I am already in the car on the way to Carmen's place watching a seduction unfold. The sex will be there, however you unfold it, to bring this coupling to it's suspected conclusion. The proverbial cumming climax scene, then to some other stage in this sex drama. The up-cumin language barrier, actions speaking for words, translations by touch and feel. Ah! the tension, will they or won't they, the meat of your endeavor so far, please continue.
English
your spell checker is a little off
if there is a red line under it you have to check it
Odd Story
This tale, where we follow two women talk about sex with the writer, who doesn't understand them, doesn't really do much for me.
On the your writing ability... I would get someone else to help you edit. Your efforts aren't paying off.
Very difficult to follow
It would be very difficult to write a story where the writer is in the dark about what is being said because then the readers are totally in the dark as well. Your device is a way around that, but it's very distracting to keep switching languages. It completely interrupts the flow of the story.
Sorry, I had to bail before I finished it. Not sure what you changed to post it again, but I skimmed it and it is still difficult to read for the reasons I stated.
Translation...
No mas! "translations". Really slowed down this story. Coulda been a contenda!
Learn Spanish
If you're going to write a story where Spanish is an important part of the story, then you need to learn a LOT more Spanish. Using word-for-word translation is bad enough but you don't even get those words right ('puto', for example, is not a verb - it means either a male prostitute, or sometimes an easy homo 'catcher' !)
On another level, it is tricky for even experienced authors to rely mostly on conversation to convey a story comfortably, and just as difficult to use third-person exposition while maintaining interest. Your stories are, IMHO, much too dependent on conversation.
Oops
Thanks, Stalking-Anon, I thought this might have been another story under BigCarl's name, but didn't see it in his pub-list, so now I have made essentially the same comments for the same story in two places!
Ch 2 please, for someone who reads a lot I like to think that this adventure has promise.
I am already in the car on the way to Carmen's place watching a seduction unfold. The sex will be there, however you unfold it, to bring this coupling to it's suspected conclusion. The proverbial cumming climax scene, then to some other stage in this sex drama. The up-cumin language barrier, actions speaking for words, translations by touch and feel. Ah! the tension, will they or won't they, the meat of your endeavor so far, please continue.
Crap
No wonder there is no ch. 2.
HA
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