by nightscribe
its too rush for me... i think it needs more anticipation or that there is no personal conflicts... i prefer the victim to have some reluctance.
Cant wait to see the Revenge .
He gets on the Superintendant and the School Board.
Plus Abby seems to be a Voyeur and should bring more girls to Mike.
I won't say something positive about your story, nor your style. As a character, Mike is brutal, disgusting and domineering. Not in a good way either. Your character and writing isn't a turn on, it's verging on a crime.
Why didn't he just use his compulsion to save Robin's job? She even asks him, "What could you have done?" as if inviting him to do show her =/
Since when does a Corvette have backseats to fit four people! They are a two-seat roadster!
You figured that out after 3 chapters? You obviously like the story. Take your high and mighty elsewhere.
Too many women in Mikes life. That is not a critizism of your writing, just an observation. This has to collapse sometime, and I won't enjoy reading that lol.
I wanted him to turn joy away. Especially with Abby listening. :/
What a piece of shit. Mike betrayed Jim here, and let Jim naively believe that when Joy asked him for permission to fuck Mike, it meant she hadn't fucked him yet, because she knew he was Jim's best friend. So. Shitty move to say the very least.
i guess this is your fetish but cmon man. dont you think its too much?
Corvettes don't have back seats. Good story but that's the sort of thing that breaks the fantasy.
Took a while, and while the sideline stories were entertaining, I'm looking forward to seeing what you have in store for Abby.
J
One moment he's dominent as fuck the next he's a fucking pussy choose one already
Everybody seems to know that it's a '67 Corvette - but I bet the author wouldn't recognize one. If you're going to have a double date in a 'Vette, you need two 'Vettes.
Cause there's no back seat.
Less throatfucking, more plot and revenge drama. Superintendent needs to get some next. No doubt her throat will be sore. As for all the women I guess that's just what Mike does. He'll take who he wants, when he wants. Most guys would in his position with that kind of power.
In total good Story. On the other hand, the Autor should at least adress Protection, a) to protect the acting people against sexually transmitting deseases and b) unwanted pregnancy.