This left me kind of flat. I was too removed from the characters (too much telling) to care too much, and then all I saw was two people who couldn't control themselves cheating on their current partners. I'm sure some people find the cheating exciting in itself, but I didn't. They didn't even seem to care about each other, despite all the assertions that they were best friends. *Show* me why they're friends.
The story sounded like it would be a winner. My first red flag was trying to figure out who Jason was - I mean really? There were only 3 characters and you couldn't keep them straight? A couple other gramatical errors - of which can all be taken care of with a proofreader or editor.
I did like that the story line is realistic and can understand how it unfolded. The ending left me wondering what I'd missed tho - it was too abrupt and made what I thought could be the beginning of something between them - to just cheap sex. It left me disappointed - both in the characters and the story. Hope you'll think of having someone help you out with the story as I think you could build a great story here!
Thanks for sharing
English
Sorry...
This left me kind of flat. I was too removed from the characters (too much telling) to care too much, and then all I saw was two people who couldn't control themselves cheating on their current partners. I'm sure some people find the cheating exciting in itself, but I didn't. They didn't even seem to care about each other, despite all the assertions that they were best friends. *Show* me why they're friends.
hmmm
The story sounded like it would be a winner. My first red flag was trying to figure out who Jason was - I mean really? There were only 3 characters and you couldn't keep them straight? A couple other gramatical errors - of which can all be taken care of with a proofreader or editor.
I did like that the story line is realistic and can understand how it unfolded. The ending left me wondering what I'd missed tho - it was too abrupt and made what I thought could be the beginning of something between them - to just cheap sex. It left me disappointed - both in the characters and the story. Hope you'll think of having someone help you out with the story as I think you could build a great story here!
Thanks for sharing
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