A volunteer editor could help you make this story even better.
by
Anonymous07/17/11
Good Job...
A little rushed and just not enough fleshing out of the characters and their emotions. It was apparent that they loved each other but you didn't make me really feel it. Of course, this is coming from a guy who can't write anything except comments. Really poor literary imagination. Keep writing, you'll get better. Ron
by
Anonymous07/17/11
so real, so real
Good job. Many siblings feel the same way. Making the first move is difficult but such relationships can be very rewarding.
by
Anonymous07/17/11
like the others said
rushed needs a good editor and needs to be much longer tow or three times longer. more detail is needed as well as more background and a better finish. this is like reading a three chapter book and skipping the first and third chapters.
This reads as if it is true life or a fantasy of the author's
A good story, sweet and loving with a happy ending.
Prehaps they will enjoy the love they have for each other since they waited so long to consummate it.
Thanks for the read
by
Anonymous02/14/14
you say you know you can't write PROPERLY
so why would you post a story with out going through a good editor first? only a total idiot would tell the readers they can't write then fail to use a good editor before posting. delete all stories and run them through a good editor before reposting.
English
volunteer editor
A volunteer editor could help you make this story even better.
Good Job...
A little rushed and just not enough fleshing out of the characters and their emotions. It was apparent that they loved each other but you didn't make me really feel it. Of course, this is coming from a guy who can't write anything except comments. Really poor literary imagination. Keep writing, you'll get better. Ron
so real, so real
Good job. Many siblings feel the same way. Making the first move is difficult but such relationships can be very rewarding.
like the others said
rushed needs a good editor and needs to be much longer tow or three times longer. more detail is needed as well as more background and a better finish. this is like reading a three chapter book and skipping the first and third chapters.
This reads as if it is true life or a fantasy of the author's
A good story, sweet and loving with a happy ending.
Prehaps they will enjoy the love they have for each other since they waited so long to consummate it.
Thanks for the read
you say you know you can't write PROPERLY
so why would you post a story with out going through a good editor first? only a total idiot would tell the readers they can't write then fail to use a good editor before posting. delete all stories and run them through a good editor before reposting.
Rich always says it best!
I gave you Four Stars! I hope you will try again someday.
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