- All
Comments (4) - Add a
Comment - Send
Feedback Send private anonymous feedback to the author (click here to post a public comment instead).
| Literotica Toy Store ADULT TOY & DVD STORE FAST & DISCREET |
Literotica XXX Webcams 24/7 LIVE CAMS - FREE PREVIEW W/AUDIO! |
Literotica Adult Movies STREAMING ADULT MOVIES PAY PER MINUTE |
English
good, just good
your story was great right up to the end, when after all that build up, with great tension and detail, you dispatch their ultimate coupling in two quick paragraphs? then you expect the reader to buy that in the morning she's in love?
there was so much there to work with. her pleading with him not to follow thru on his desires. him convincing her that this was a perfect was to get back at his bastard brother who she was divorcing. or threatening to push her back into the party to test her luck with the horny black stud.
it's a shame the story ended like premature enaculation rather than the sexual creshendo you seemed to be building toward. better luck next time.r all that build up, with great tension and detail, you dispatch their ultimate coupling in two quick paragraphs? then you expect the reader to buy that in the morning she's in love?
there was so much there to work with. her pleading with him not to follow thru on his desires. him convincing her that this was a perfect was to get back at his bastard brother who she was divorcing. or threatening to push her back into the party to test her luck with the horny black stud.
it's a shame the story ended like premature enaculation rather than the sexual creshendo you seemed to be building toward. better luck next time.
@peebuddy
You do tend to repeat yourself, don't you!
Also, your spelling needs some attention.
However, I do agree with you about the shortness of the denouement, given the length of the build-up.
Rushed Endind
far too rushed at the end. Ruined what could have been a good story
40?
Am I the only one who picked up on the age? "I, myself, would be another reason folks would probably vote to ban public nudity. I had gotten out of shape, was near 40, balding". In chapter nine he says he is 40. Is he 40 or a kid in school? It didn't make much sense after that.
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to My In-Family Fantasy to Remember or
More submissions by gonnagetchu.