A Portrait of the Artist

Impressed

You have a flair with the pen. Keep them coming. I will be looking.

A classic LW tale. Susan's rationalizations were amusing. I enjoyed the story.

Good first story. Don't worry about the mistakes in spelling or grammar. It's good that the good guy won and the cheating bitch lost. Well done.

Well Done

This is your first story? Really? Frankly, at the end of three pages, I wanted more. I couldn't believe it was already over. That's due, in large part, to your smooth writing and deft handling of the plotting. Usually, a story like that would've been almost too much like a snapshot, but you conveyed pretty much everything in quick, smooth fashion.

Recommendations for improvement? Try using more dialogue. Don't tell us in prose how she felt; have her tell us in a conversation. Also, I really feel you missed out completely on ratcheting up the tension and conflict by not sharing with us until the end that which we already knew: Clint was well aware of her affair all along. Since you were writing in third person, you could've followed Clint at he watched his marriage disintegrate while also tracking her as she denied he'd ever found out and continued on her self-destructive path.

Still, you really have a winner here, and I hope to see more soon.

Excellent

Very good story, keep writing

Good story . . .

. . . well told. Seems like a person with interests in the art world can have some strength as well. I liked the twist of the ending.

Well done!

Well written story but could use a little more polish in the telling. Looking forward to future postings.

Welcome to the Club

Very enjoyable story. Usually these stories are told from the husband's point of view. From the wife's pov, it's different. My first thought is Clint was greatly underestimated, and we didn't see much of him, but from the wife's pov, that's how it has to be. Clint is a shadow.

Anyway, good story, may it be the first of many

Chilley

Well Done

A fine story that highlights the reasons your character gave for her actions. So true to real life as so many people have the "..its not my fault." attitude-that you wrote about so well. Everyone has their own person spin on events and you had the main character express hers well.

Great to see new people submitting non-wimp stories-without the Navy SEAL/SAS/Delta Force/CIA mantra. You had the Hubby take the "better revenge thru better living road."

Look forward to more

Nicely Done!

Enjoyed the story immensely. Excellent first effort on Lit.

Please keep writing and sharing.

She got what she deserved!

Impressive!

Very impressive for a first timer! Thumbs up, looking forward for more.

Thoroughly enjoyable

A nasty villian, a scheming wife, a hero who was much more than was pictured to be and a loving woman to pcik up where the wife left off. Stir liberally and top with a dash of payback. Well done. Looking forward to much more from you.

Thank you

Thank you for a the view of the mind of a cheating woman. Some might wish that you would continue the story, but it is complete the way it is.

A RISING STAR

VERY GOOD FOR OUR 1ST 2 SUBMISSIONS. IT IS SELDOM ANY AUTHOR RECEIVES A 5 FOR ANY OF THEIR STORIES. CONTINUE WITH YOUR WRITINGS. TK U MLJ LV NV

Great story

Very interesting /Different type of story. I liked it very much , as the other storys you have submitted.

Your touch on this story shines thru

You can't truly write, I hope you put out more stories.

It is a super hyper revenge story, according to my taste: without murder, violance!!!! Unfortunately 5 stars are only!

I revenge story fan

StangStar06 also wrote an excellent revenge story from the view of the mind of cheating wife: "Circling on the Drain". StangStar06 sent to me by E-mail the next chapter 6 month ago, but he do not want to publish it. Yesterday I wrote an E-mail to ask for publish, because I think it is better, then the first chapter.

Really Nice Surprise!

The one-sided picture is the perfect philosophical posture!
I admit that with modern electronic equipment you can "see"
things at a distance but you can not get into someone else's
head.

She was not the best really "the best" because she did not feel what was going on around her, and was blind sided!

Great new author!

Fun well written story.

Good read. Thank you.

Nice!

Jennifer knows what she wants and she went for him. of course, Susan gave her a way to succeed. good story.

Great read

Ernest Hemingway would be proud.

GOOD STORY

With the black humor, E.A.POE, would be proud. TK U MLJ LV NV

Great concept

The artist able to capture the quintissential person in a photo. It would have been interesting to learn that Clint knew of her infidelity and felony by observing her and photographing her in unguarded moments, just as he did when she first dated him. Seeing such a photo, Susan would have once more seen herself through Clint's eyes and known that he knew. His observation could have been the predicate for his investigating her activities and stumbling on her felonies.

The very end, as written, is more abrupt than the rest of the story, and Clint using a poor photo to express himself seems out of character. Rather, had he sent her an artful piece revealing herself to her, she would have been consumed with despair as she had earlier been consumed with joy at seeing herself through his eyes.

Still, very good. Thanks.

Actually I'm picturing a writer

great story - well told.

heckuva story

5 stars, using the wife's POV is always a challenge and it was handled brilliantly.

overall very good

I enjoy the development beginning and middle as things were reveal. But i found the ending lacking. Maybe i was just greedy and wanted to read more.

Overall a ****

hope to ready more of your works

Nice read

Short and sweet, but no less a good story.

a little soft but a good story

I'm glad clint moved on

Great Story!

Loved every word of it. Very subtle the way Clint may have had more to do with her downfall.

Really fun read!

Just the perfect length! You have a new fan

Where's the ending?

You have a great start, a well developed middle and an absolute dud of an ending. The scene in the gallery is a tag-on and the final bit with the picture is just annoying since it leaves a bunch if irritating questions that detract from the story. Having opened the can of worms regarding where and how he got the photo and where and how the FEEBS got their info for warrants it is just a pain to leave all that hanging. Without a real ending, it gets a generous 3.

justice !

well, served and delivered!

No

The story starts well but what happened at the finish ?

A common error

"Susan could care less at this point; for her the long ordeal was coming to an end..."

I suspect you meant "she couldn't care less". Think about it. They are exactly the opposite in meaning.

Nicely done

The denoument was evident throughout, the lady protesting Clint's naivete way too much, but hey, the way it's revealed was deft and satisfying

pretty predictable -

But well executed -

You pretty much knew he knew heh - but wondered how she was going to find out about it - "the wimp wins"

With selfish Susan . . .

It was all about her. A partner follows the golden rule if he/she truly feels love for the other partner. Susan was clueless about the golden rule, but obviously Clint wasn't. He did to Susan as she did to him -- he fucked her life over. And two "wrongs" in this case made a "right.". Thanks for writing.

I really loved the happy ending!

Thus always to cheating sluts!

Magic

One commenter posed the two critical questions, but no answers are forthcoming. Sweety's friend (and replacement) probably clued-in Hubby, but how did he get the picture(s?) of her and Boss/Bull? There are voice-actuated mini-tape-recorders that can be hidden in a purse, but photography would require elaborate set-up that Hubby would not have time nor sufficient access to execute.
Sweety certainly did not tell 'BFF' about the data falsification. A tape-recorder secreted in her purse might provide some of that, but BFF would not need to involve FBI to get the Hubby switchover. Sweety obviously did not rat on herself and the firm/BossBull.

this one

is good

Love it!

Ha!

Susan never had a clue

All through the story we are told how Susan operated in her own little world only thinking about her needs, desires, wants and goals.Everyone else in her life was there (at least in her mind) to please her including self-centered, brutish Charles.
Charles was more like Susan that anyone else in this narrative. Susan probably didn't have a clue as to what love, commitment and fildelity were. She certainly had none of the afore mentioned values within her. The ending was just, she was hurt, divorced and alone, how fitting for a egocentric slut.

Nice

I am in to photography and that was a nice touch by the husband !

Common

The thing all cheaters, criminals and such have in common is over-riding selfishness.

Loved it

I truly think this is your best. I especially love how Clint was entirely absent up to the end, and even then only in the distance. While the reader only knew of him through Susan's eyes, his character was evident. This is a very powerful device that heightened the emotional impact of the end. I would have liked Charles to have discovered that Clint was the one who tipped the Feds off, but that is trivial. This was amazing. Brilliant writing.

The indifference she seemed to show toward the divorce lessened the impact of her painful cry at the very end, and belied your earlier descriptions of her which seemed much more fully developed and emotionally deep.

Great!

The first wife of the husband sounds like my own previous Ex. Really.
Thanks for the story.

Follow on

How about a follow on for Jennifer - since its his second the chances are much greater than 50% that he will move on from her.

revenge is a tricky topic....

I felt the ending diminished everyone. Essentially a bitter story.