My Sister Amy

very good!

This was an excelent story, for your first time. You rushed the sex part a bit. You made it say, well basically, that the brother wanted to make her feel really good for her first time.elaborate on how he did it and how it felt. Stretch it out a little. Trust me, you won't get the length perfect without practice. You also rushed the resolution, so stretch it out. Try building a little more suspense before the sex part. Here is a good tip. Stretch everything out as much as you can. Maybe switch back and forth between the brother and sisters point of view. But make sure the transitions are clear. Also, try to convey the emotion. Make it so the reader can A: conjure up an image of the characters and/or B: feel like they are either in the characters situation or that they are the character. Also, don't forget to read, reread, and reread again to try to keep out mistakes (as many as possible), and to make sure you haven't forgotten anything important. A spelling mistake here and there is ok, but if it's every other word that is mispelled or that it has a huge mistake that distracts you from the story or sumsuch like that, then that will lose you fans. Remember: you won't get it right on the second or third try, so don'tbeat yourself up about it. Just make sure that the reading goes smoothly while reading it and that you don't have to stop to figure out what something means or says. It will take a lot of practice to get it right. To happy writing and happy days, I slute you (i would give you a toast like that, but that more or less requires some drinks and us to be near enough to chime our glasses of wine or whatever together). So have a good day my friend.
-A.
P.S. I will send feedback for you to find this comment.

Good for a first timer

I agree with anonymous below with everything he said, especially the reading and re-reading. Again he / she was right on when mentioning spell checking, something they failed to catch on the line, 'I slute you', which should have been 'I salute you'. All-in-All a good start in your writing development.

Promising

While it was a bit rushed, I think your first story was better than my first story on here, and definitely better than most first stories. You have a promising future as a writer.

Nice first story.

You have promise. Keep it up.

Not bad for a first

You did fine for your first one, Lets see a sequel to this one.

Very Good

Love for you to go on,i love to read more on what come next!!

good but

as said by others seems rushed slow down and build up the plot. also use one of the editors offered here to help with the wrong words and such. needs one or two more chapters atleast.

you have lots of potential

You rushed a very good story as others have said. Take your time and develop your stories, You have potential and Iagree that a editor will make even better.

Is his name Matt or Mark?

Nice first try but get an editor

You called the brother both Matt and Mark. When writers do that it shows they haven't even bothered to proof read their stuff before submitting it. An even so so editor should have caught an annoyingly sloppy error like that.

Once you get an editor keep writing as you've got potential and practice makes perfect if you put the effort into it.

Good First Try

I agree with others that you need to put some depth into your story to slowly reel us in. ;-)

As far as the Mark/Matt, that happens to even the best writers and after all of the comments, I'm sure it won't happen to you again.

NOT A BAD FIRST EFFORT!

I would like to see you continue on with these two. Flush out their characters a little bit and let the story develop. I think it has potential and could be a good little bro/sis love story. Don't become discouraged; you are able to express yourself well.

Old Wayne

Great First

Definitely keep it up. You have talent and will get better with time. Like someone has already said, even experienced writers have messed up with the names from time to time. Practice makes perfect

story

the story was good but you ended it to soon

Story

I could almost feel how much you care for sister. It was short but very hot! More please!

Too short

Your writing style is direct and to the point. But that's not necessarily a bad thing. A little bit of history at the begining would have helped. And perhaps it would have also been a little better if you had at least made it a two pager. Events happened so fast. But as I said, that's not always a bad thing. I still gave it 5 stars. It's just my opinion of course but I really like when one of these stories tells how the brother and sister over came the odds to be together. You asked!!!!