All Comments on 'An Unexpected Visitor'

Who is You? Definitely convoluted. Keep trying.

Got through about half way through the story, I was very confused with the story line. Next time, make it not so complicated?

I thought it was obvious since there are only three people in this story, the author, her friend Melissa, and her partner Martin.

I don't think this shows poor writing skills. Writing like this is more difficult and I think it was well executed. I did not have much trouble following any of it and certainly by half way I knew who all the players were. Also not knowing for sure right off adds a bit to the mystery. Given the nature of erotic writing, it can be unclear the sex of a character or characters as opposed to 'normal, straight' writing. If we need more clarity I would suggest that it come in the first three or four paragraphs with comments that make it clear the author is a woman and that 'you/Martin' is a male. Otherwise I would say it is a well polished piece.

While you set a mood your handling and usage of English needs work. The reader should not be distracted by failures in English mechanism.