All Comments on 'One Rule'

Good story, especially for a first time. However, this story could have moved from "ok, good for a first outing" to "seriously a good story" with a little editing. Something to keep in mind in the future is paragraph length.

Are you familiar with the concept of a "run-on sentence"? In this case you ended up with several "run-on paragraphs". Remember, as the Bard said, "Brevity is the sole of whit". Long paragraphs intimidate and drive away readers. In general, you should shoot for 3-5 sentences per paragraph. Look for changes in the action, new actions by one or more characters, or spoken words by the characters as natural break points between paragraphs.

All in all, I'm looking forward to your next story.

This story is good, but would be a lot more readable if you would put more spaces in the long paragraphs. It was hard to follow due to the density.