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English
enjoyable
id be interested in reading more from this.
Good ideas!
But you put too many differing ideas together and the result was a tad confusing. I think this could have been a 5 star story had you picked one or two themes. The virgin seduces her friends father, the father dominates and spanks the virgin, the beauty and beast and finally the vampire seduces the virgin are all competing for my attention as most compelling, leaving me confused. It lacks cohesion.
But don't stop writing. Clearly, you have a great imagination that wants out!
More background
I felt like there was a history between Sebastian and Bella that I didn't know. I also felt I didn't know Bella or Sebastian very well. The erotic section was very descriptive and exciting and would like to see more from will with a bit more development in the characters!
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