All Comments on 'Charismatic Ghost Ch. 01'

What the fuck?

What was even the point of randomly throwing the dad in?

Just turned a promising (But poorly written if i'm being honest) story stupid.

I don't know if i'd go as far as saying poorly written, but it definitely needs an editor. Really wordy, but in a pointless way.

e.g "She's shorter than me by about three inches, even though she is my older sister."

Adding 'even though' is just odd. If he's 18, and she's older, the likelihood that he's taller is probably >90%.

Plus there is some stuff that doesn't really make sense, eg. "because I can basically get any girl I want at school." - but yet he tells his sister he's never touched breasts before. That seems unlikely to see the least.

Interesting first story.

of over-cooking the self-praise particularly if the publicity is better than the product.

So far the story has been fairly vanilla, not much has happened.

I hope the next chapter will get to the erotic parts.

...too bad it's beyond unnecessary. You say that this is "a well made/written story." I'd disagree, and so would every writer I know. You prefer to tell rather than show, you have no hook to interest the reader when the story actually starts, your dialogue really isn't very good, and your sentence structure is clunky. You use adverbs way too much and your grammar, especially comma use, needs work. And the really funny thing is that, if you hadn't claimed that your story is so good, I likely would have ignored all of the above.

Quite interesting seeing I had something with my younger sister way back when she was younger and I was 15 but thats a story I might write one day, now back to yours, I do hope there's a follow up and it is as good as episode one...

I agree with the Anonymous author who criticized your grammar. I would also add that mixing tenses is another sign of bad writing.

It is risky to call your readers "ignorant" when you have demonstrated that you don't know the difference between "except" and "accept."

"Well-made/well-written"? Give me a break. You can't call your effort "well-written" when you bounce back and forth between past and present tense. Incidentally, when you are writing about events set in the past, past tense is correct.

Other grammatical and spelling errors abound, but I will not waste my time enumerating them.

If any of the above terms are unfamiliar to you, buy a book on basic English grammar. It will do you a world of good -- assuming you understand and apply the principles you'll find in it.

As for the plot, don't confuse your readers' frustration with an improbable, obvious and boring plot with impatience to get to the erotic parts.

It is clear that whatever school system you attended is long on building up false self-esteem and short on teaching you anything about English and/or writing.

Perhaps you should take up needlepoint, you are clearly ill-suited to fiction writing.

I liked what I read so far. To stop at one page with nothing really happening is a bit of a let down after you built it up in the beginning. Never leave the readers hanging with so little action. Give us more in the first chapter so that we can't wait for the following chapter(s). I gave it 3 stars because it peaked my interest but I won't continue if you end the next chapter so abruptly.

If I read the writer's comments at the beginning that states, «I know some of you are probably going to shake your fists when you read this. I just want to say that you are ignorant for not reading a well made/written story.», I expect a long story with something building up.

Instead, I am faced with a story that is just 1 page long. Before you call your readers ignorant, please post a whole story first. This was not worth reading and therefor I only gave 2 stars.

After a while i saw that many of you, great readers had wondered why i dudnt finish it. Well i will finish it, and this story will tend to jump around a lot, considering the character's playful personality. Right now i am having trouble with my computer nd am currwntly typing this on my phone. As for build-up, oh, if you thought this was build-up then the rest of the story will be a 135 degree climb for you. Thank you for your comments it's

Alright, so as i read back a little further i noticed some of you had given me quite a bit of criticism. The truth is, i like ctitism, i believe that critism will push me to become a greater writer. As for grammar, well i had the idea in my head, but i didn't know how to word it properly. So i was struggling with how to bring the story to a good start, and i didn't pay too much attention to grammar. Also if someone would like to help me edit future chapters, that would be most appreciated. Also the thing about the dad and the main character: well the dad was just a way for the character to dillute the story a little, since he is the one telling the story; the second was just something that came across my mind as a point that i could expand on.

this story shows promise. Looking forward to more.

delete all stories, break your computer and stop trying to write you suck at it and couldn't post a GOOD story if your life depended on it with out stealing it.

""

She's shorter than me by about three inches, even though she is my older sister.

""

If the older sibling is supposed to get the height then I got screwed! Lol.

""

I slowly twist it, opening the door slowly with my body weight against it to stop the creaking.

""

Lol, I'd forgotten about that little trick! ...of course if you *know* you're going to be snooping, you oil the hinges a dew days before! Did that on the doors and my room when I used to sneak in and out at night! Works well on most windows too, even if theyre wood, just not a good idea on older windows that dont have some kind of resistance to hold them up!

""

"So," I began, "who were you fantasizing about?"

""

Wow, the boy IS fast on his feet! I Iike him already!!

""

"I'll tell dad!" she warned.

""

Hahaha!! That one had me rolling! I can hear her now... 'Dad! Mike just let himself in my room while I was mastrubating again! Waitaminute, I meant mike came in my room but I wasn't mastrubating when it happened before.... Oh gawd! I mean, I mean he didn't cum in my room without permission, he entered without knocking! Thats it! Oh fuck! Im not saying I gave him permission to cum in my room and Im not saying he came in my room without permission, Im saying he previously entered my room without permission and I wasn't mastrubating those times! ....you know what? Forget it. Forget this conversation. Pretend it never happened. The conversation. And the mastrubation. ...this is not the daughter you are listening to...you can go about your business...move along. (Exit stage left!)

""

"Mike, one question." she said calmly, "Why the fuck are you touching mine!?" she exclaimed, rolling onto me.

With my back on the ground, she sat on my waist. "You--perverted--incestuous--bastard!" she said with each stinging slap to my face.

""

Now ive gotta say, of ALL the stories Ive read, this has to be the most backwards, reversed rolls and response Ive seen! Totally unique! Lol :). Love it, hehehe!! Im so tired of the sister coning on to the brother only to have him act all shocked and surprised/offended then start playing the sister/incest card while he secretly has wanted to fuck the shit out of her since she started growing tits and fuzz at twelve, rofl!

""

Lisa's hands grabbed mine, and just as she was about to pull them off, dad walked in. "Lisa!" he yelled, throwing her off of me. She landed on her back, "I can't believe you'd seduce your own brother like that!"

""

Bwuhahahahaha!! (Spitting coffee all over computer screen). Stop it! You're killing me!!

That was fucking awesome!! I'm hooked ;)

Some of this seems slightly awkward and contrived. But I liked it enough to give you a 4/5 since 3.5 isn't an option. Onwards to the next part.