Cheating 101 from Literotica

I normally don't like this sort of satirical contribution - and I do like Loving Wife stories - but this was witty, good fun and well written. Thanks.

Cute.

You touched on it, but the basic rule of thumb is "never buy another man's wife a gift". Period. Did that once; everyone survived the experience, likely because she was probably smart enough to trash it, promptly.

Funny, but true.

Most of this is common sense. Sleeping with another mans wife in his own home has to be at the top of the list. Thats like going into a cave when there is a good chance the bear will be home. I learned a long time ago that things don't turn out the way you plan. Being seen in public is probably second. It's funny how a guys dick will never tell him whats best for him.

Hungarian way of saying for the company love: Do not shot domestic rabbit if only she attacs.

For More Info...

A good movie to watch on this topic is the 60's classic, "A Guide for the Married Man". Another good one is "How To Murder Your Wife". ;) LOL

Brilliant ...

These "do and don't" lessons could certainly be developed into a best selling book. Seriously, this is not a "definitive" list and you probably thought of a few more "do and don't" since you posted. Give it you best shot and a bit of your time and publish something like "Cheating for dummies". Definitely include a section for the cheating wife. In the spirit of fairness, maybe a section for the husband. We don't want him to go to jail, get beaten in his own bedroom, and the likes.

I am willing to bet that not many would cheat after reading your article, and hopefully, future book. Laid out like that one wonders if it's really worth it. Many would say "Had I known ..." Well, now they do!

Great reading, great fun, and hope to read more.

Postpartum child support is not in Hungary. I am envious for USA this is a excellent law practice.

My first red "H"

Thanks guys. I'm glad you liked it.

One forgotten rule

You forgot about the rule of don't introduce her to your friends, cuz it'll bounce back on your ass. Good story and good rules (from a female perspective). :)

Outstanding!

And funny to boot.

Great stuff

I think that you covered all the key points. Looking forward to the next educational seminar...

Great stuff

All very useful and practical, but where is your sense of adventure? Where is the challenge?

I followed most of these for a while, and it was fun. Sex is fun. Sex with new partners is more fun.

But I like a challenge. The tactic I am using now is hiding something where everyone can see it. So while sex is fun, sex with new partners is more fun, sex with new partners while overcoming a challenge is real fun.

I am not abusing my female partners - I love women and could never do that. They are fully informed and active participants in the game. I sometimes believe they get a bigger kick out of it than I do.


So follow these guidelines and enjoy for a long time. Once experienced, think about upping the game. The only rule I have for the riskier approach is to totally include your partner.

Hmm, a bigger challenge. Could I pull this off without her bringing her inside. Fuck,this is going to get me killed!!

Well

that was a fun read. Like a flash review of all the LW stories I have read. Thanks for all the chuckles. Jim

Well Done!

Not often that practicality and expediency are both funny and entertaining. I just tried applying your rules to the story I'm working on and now all I'm left with are three innocuous nouns, no verbs and a whole lot of unassigned punctuation.

Keep writing. Your work is a lot fun to read.

lovely and so very practical

thank you.

hilarious

brief but comprehensive. and funny

too late

where was this info when I needed it! ! !

?

So when do we get 201. LOL

I liked the list...

Now the question is: Can you write a story where the wife uses all of these tricks, and still gets caught? The answer is probably yes, because even if you hid the big stuff, the little details can always come back and bite you in the ass. It's probably worse, because if you are following all these rules, it's premeditated.

Loose Lips Sink Ships

Phone messages: Never leave any type of message that she would not expect to get from her kindly old grandma. Be nice and polite. Do NOT give a play by play recounting of the most recent get together complete with the full time line of all your hookups from day one. EVER. That's what pillow talk is for.

Why concern yourself with the lover's POV?

He's the schemer/seducer/beneficiary. Even if incompetent, all he needs to know is how to leave town fast when undesirable substances hit nearby fans. But these stories are all from the hubby's, or occasionally the wife's POV, and they have their own "classic" (i.e. cliche, but inevitable).motives, means, opportunities, and consequences to cope with. The residual problems are theirs. Unkess you merely mean to say, with that staunch Victorian poet Arthur Hugh Clough: "Do not adultery commit./ Advantage rarely comes of it." Why not advise them on revenge, forgiveness, and the perils of re-entry into dating after abstinence has made the heart grow desperate? Because those ARE what Loving Wife stories are about? Even your superb ones?

Jus' askin'.

many moons ago, two too much excitement

Once long ago, in a land far to the north, I broke the rule against screwing two lovely young daughters of important town officials. Unfortunately, the ladies did not care to share my wonderfulness with one another much less anyone else.

The first curvy spitfire wrecked her car trying to run me down in the middle Main Street, Podunk, Idaho. I escaped down an alley and over a fence. Meanwhile, some officious busybody telephoned the other hottie. Dial, not crank, I'm almost not that old!

I was coming out of the boardinghouse with a hastily packed suitcase, hoping I could get a hitch out of town. When fury number two came after me, across lawns and flowerbeds in her daddy's pickup. Don't even ask how I got away, I must have fuged out. Next thing I clearly remember is finding myself in an empty boxcar slowly rolling towards Boise.

Wow, I made him break the rules!

Very funny. I must be an evil female that encouraged the breaking or broke those rules myself!

Nice

Good information in case I ever get married again.
Yeah right

With

Your permission,
Dont brag about your conquests in a bar or a restaurent especially when a stranger is pretending to read a day old newspaper upside down at a nearby table.

Never seat yourself and the wife in question in a booth right in front of a mirror at a bar. The hubby might have arrived back early from his trip and watching you through the the mirror.

If I may

When her husband is away on business, ALWAYS leave 2 hours earlier than planned, because hubby will absolutely positively be home on an earlier flight!
Yep, you covered almost all the clichés to be found on Lit.

Don't forget

To bring your electronic bug detectors to scan the room/house for and recording of broadcasting devices.

Damn. Looks like the only place left is the deep woods.

Bosses

Don't screw your employee. It's always the boss in these things. If the wife works in a law firm, the prime suspect is anyone who can help her make partner. Or, being lawyers, they are all suspects. Perhaps even the male legal secretaries. Perhaps these have already been pointed out- I was too lazy to read all the comments.

addition

Get an inspection mirror.
Use it to check the underside of your car and your lovers car.
GPS trackers attach with a magnet to the bottom of a car or the inside of the bumper.

What's that?
You don't know what would be out of place there?
Maybe you're just not smart enough to be a cheater then.

Too funny

I rarely laugh out loud when reading. (Neither, I suspect, do those legions of dimwits who constantly type LOL) I snickered the whole way through and laughed several times. I think you skewered all of the major tropes. This is a breath of fresh air on a pretty gloomy site. Thanks.

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt...

Having been on both side of this phenomenon through the many decades of my life (as cheat-er and cheat-ee), I would add these simple thoughts:

1. Before you begin, understand this: the cheat-ee ALWAYS finds out.
2. When (1) occurs, expect some variation of Newton's Third Law (For every action, etc.) to smack you upside the head.
3. Whatever happens with (2), remember: you brought it on yourself.

Thanks for a very funny read!