There is not any jury who says Jeff innocent. The evidences are not direct. The author feels his family and he are in danger from this cruel and vindicative women. Preventive action started to avoid the danger. It is very interesting situation.
THERE IS A LOT MORE TO BE WRITTEN. THE GUY IN JAIL....THE LADIES PAST INDISCRETIONS.....SEVERAL UNSOLVED HOMOCIDES.....THE GIRLS EARLY YEARS TOGETHER....HIS SON AND PARENTS.....THE 3 MURDER VICITIMS AND THEIR REAL ROLE. TK U MLJ LV NV
by
Anonymous07/31/11
one more please
You made us curious and then left us hanging. Yes, there's this feeling the story isn't really finished. Why not write one more, if only for the sake of writing. Think up some "reality", especially with the background information now available and the similarity of the other fellow being shot and stabbed, and let Jeff's appeal clear him for some reasonable doubt so he can take care of his child himself. Jeff can then later, just between four eyes tell the real story if he did it, etc... I'm sure your imagination is way better than mine.
A big thank you to those who stayed with me on this story. It was a fun write. I'm considering a sequel but not sure yet. I'm kind of interested in doing Joe the writer.
I know this story could have ended a dozen ways. It wasn't an easy task but it was a fun write. Hope you enjoyed it.
With respect
DG Hear
The work is very well developed and I have always felt that Bishop Berkeley had it right.. The world that we experience is our truth. There is no way to know absolute truth, it is all relative.
Here no one will know what really happened and the TV stories which nicely tie up everything in no way reflect reality. By the way,our CSI hero could only go along with the physical evidence which seemed clearcut though I did not hear anything about him being tested for gunshot residues..
I wonder if Julia will wake up in the middle of the night with the realization that her loved one is a murderer...
Finally, I think that Brad got the better deal. He is dead and buried, Jeff will spend a long life in prison paying for a crime which he did not commit. His father will have to suffer with this, too.
So Jeff remains in prison for life because a psychotic pair of women wanted revenge on his father for being in an auto accident that was not his fault. THAT is unjust. Wow! Perhaps the darkest tale I have ever read.
by
Anonymous07/31/11
Good story but
I hate when, after much buildup, the 'villains' die "offscreen" with nothing addressed....
A fantastic tale, all five chapters. Despite the really good conjectures by the author insert/narrator, there are enough holes left unfilled and questions left unanswered for there to be doubt as to the veracity of the conclusions reached. It ends with uncertainty, which makes the story feel more real. Fantastic job.
Liked the story immensely but sure would like more closure! Well written and kept my interest throughout. I sure can see a sequel here as the attorney files the appeal and they find Joe innocent and release him...
Like many I sure like to see a story line closed out. Great work. I like almost all your submissions
I am glad when excellent authors wrote positive critics stories of each others . I hope SW_MO_Hermit's excellent LW stories others will read here on Lit as well.
This is, most certainly, an uncommon story. You get an A+ for plausiblity, and another for entertainment value.
It would have been nice to have known what happened to Jeff, after the release of the "story/report".
by
Anonymous07/31/11
Unfinished
There is no reason to leave the readers hanging on this kind of a story. There is no dilemma which merits serious thought.
Excellent story. I'm also kind of glad that there was confession, no 'smoking gun' so to speak, it kept the resolution realistic. I really hope to see more mysteries from you in the future, well done.
by
Anonymous07/31/11
Grow up!
What is wrong with you "critics" who insist an author "finish" the story. This author warned you of the outcome. It is finished as well as can be done under the circumstances. If you want complete endings, go back to Mother Goose.
Good story and apparently a good frame. There is one thing the author covered that I have not seen before, it is also true in my experience. The writers wife wanted to shower or be clean for her husband. That is never covered in porn stories, not really, you never see a woman object. Reality is much different. I dated heavily before I was married and I was stopped on my journey to dine at the Y nine times out of ten. I have to dine more now than when I was single. When my wife comes into the room and mentions that shes REALLY fresh, thats my cue....
by
Anonymous07/31/11
Good work!
Another excellent story, DG. Thoroughly enjoyed it. Would have been happier if Jeff had been cleared. So what, don't worry about our gripes. You can't please everybody all the time. Thank you.
this was a lot of fun to work on. DG Hear is a copy editor's dream--a great writer who works with you. He sure keeps you guessing, and, like real life, doesn't give you neat and pretty endings. If DG is up for a sequel, I'd really enjoy working on it if he wishes. Don't worry, fans, I do technicals only; I don't dare touch his plot or characters.
Another superb and well written series of stories by a master....
How about Julie? Some women don't take kindly to threats to their men or their families. Could she have had access to a truck? After all, Joe was at Denny's and had the receipt to prove it. The kids asleep....
"Ahh", the reader sighed in contentment. "That was a most satisfying story. It was well organized, with a great cast of weird characters that propelled me to relish each delicious sentence.". This reader loved the ending...very thought provoking which added to my enthusiasm for this author...so many slippery red herrings...brilliant!
The beginning of this chapter we have the writer picking into the background of both of these criminally evil and twisted women/wives. We see the writer character investigate the high schools and backgrounds of DARCY.... Visiting the local library talking to former high school classmates ...Talking to the Foster parents etc
But then that suddenly changes and and we have the investigative writer coming up with a bunch of conclusions and leaps in Logic which may or may not be correct.
I am not sure why DG Hear decided that he investigative writer character should actually stop investigating but the change in techniques is quite noticeable halfway through the story.
Lastly killing off the two women in a car accident is just really stupid. There is no confrontation there never forced to confess they were never held accountable for their actions. Instead somebody may or may not have pushed them off the road.
Once again a story that actuallu makes the reader think. Certainly on what the writer discovered there would not be sufficient new evidence without a confession from either of the women, as both were now dead that isn't going to happen. Whether ir would be of use in an appeal who knows. My own bet for the killer of the two women was the writer. He above all was aware of the nature of these women and after the threat to Julie had to take some action to protec himself and his family as murder did not bother Shauna. DG a great story
Many apologies for the errors, it's my first try at typing on a tablet
First, the premise is fresh and the twists and turns are as well. The unraveling of Darcy and Shauna's past is interesting and the connection to Jeff is unique.
The ending is not satisfying. Jeff is still convicted of multiple murders. The idea that all the information discovered is not meaningful seems false. In the trial there was no one else with motive to kill the men. Now there is, and a history of people dying in strangely similar ways around the two women. That is significant evidence. The tie to Jeff's father establishes a clear motive. Further, Darcy's comment about him losing his son indicates that Darcy was aware of the link. Now that Darcy and Shauna have a motive their access to all the weapons and their interaction with Jeff at the time of the murder becomes very important. They have motive, means, and opportunity. They have a reason to frame Jeff. Their shopping at the mall alibi was probably never looked at carefully because they were never seriously considered suspects. They would have to establish the presence of BOTH of them every 30 minutes. Going to the movies is no alibi. They could have easily bought tickets, went in to the theater and immediately left. No one would have noticed. All this would seem to me to bring Jeff's conviction into question. Not being a lawyer I don't know if it would be enough but maybe. An author can write a story as he pleases but when he leaves a significant wrong unbalanced it leaves a bad taste.
With the history of these women, I have to wonder if they are really dead or if they killed a couple of ringers. Maybe Jeff's father had them killed, maybe they staged their deaths because they felt the investigation closing in.
I also felt that the story was repetitive at points or at least spinning it's wheels. I would have to go back and reread it to get details and it's too long for that but that is my impression. Several times I have the "We already went over this" impression.
I enjoyed the detective work and the evolution of the story. I also like that the story is not certain. It looks like Jeff might be innocent, although he is a moron. What fool grabs a machete "for defense" when he has a gun? But we're not really sure what information is the whole truth. Very realistic.
by
Anonymous08/04/11
I know who killed Darcy and Shauna. Read the last page carefully. There is a clue that suggests the narrator Joe Baker himself could be the killer. He was worried about his family. He went to drive to clear his head and goes to a diner at 3am early morning. That afternoon Shauna and Darcy are found dead. Where did Joe go that night?
Excellent writing and a tremendous plotline. A little unsatisfying in the end because Jeff is still in prison and we don't know who forced the women off the road.
Well well well. Another chapter.
Just like in real life, where estimates of unsolved cases range from fifty to eighty percent. And every body had excellent motivations to kill someone.
The only reason I would question Jeff's guilt was two important clues that were not properly addressed in this story. Gunpowder residue and blood spray.
The three men who had been fatally shot. Decapitation afterwards would have resulted in little blood splatter. Why is it all over Jeff''s clothes and not under his fingernails or in his hair?
As written, testing Jeff for gunpowder residue would have been a pretty standard requirement or no smart DA would touch the case.
And that the two women should have also been tested. Even wearing gloves it would have gotten into makeup,body and head hair, and certainly clothes. As well as been contaminating the car they had been in.
Our author friend, either did it himself, or he had someone else run them off the road, after they visited his wife. Can't say I blame him. I wouldn't want those two crazy women near my family either!
by
Anonymous01/28/17
Great Story
DG writes many good stories - THANKS for your work.
This one is well constructed. My only comment is finding a way for Jeff to gather other evidence that will be different from the trial evidence will be difficult unless phone conversations can be recovered. Certainly the police followed the trail that evidence dictated, phone calls were confirmed but the actual conversation were unknown. Jeff's account is possible but where both ladies at the mall to get the receipts or only one? Again the sales persons could not answer that question. Were security cameras checked? Probably not as there was not a reason because Jeff's actions and the evidence were consistent.
English
that was mean!
even after all that, you still left the story open. lol. oh well, it was a good read. keep writing, that was interesting at the least.
So the writer
killed the 2 women with his applinces store dilivery truck to protect his family. Nice twist but Jeff is still in jail for a crime he did not commit.
There is not any jury who says Jeff innocent. The evidences are not direct. The author feels his family and he are in danger from this cruel and vindicative women. Preventive action started to avoid the danger. It is very interesting situation.
UNFINISHED STORY
THERE IS A LOT MORE TO BE WRITTEN. THE GUY IN JAIL....THE LADIES PAST INDISCRETIONS.....SEVERAL UNSOLVED HOMOCIDES.....THE GIRLS EARLY YEARS TOGETHER....HIS SON AND PARENTS.....THE 3 MURDER VICITIMS AND THEIR REAL ROLE. TK U MLJ LV NV
one more please
You made us curious and then left us hanging. Yes, there's this feeling the story isn't really finished. Why not write one more, if only for the sake of writing. Think up some "reality", especially with the background information now available and the similarity of the other fellow being shot and stabbed, and let Jeff's appeal clear him for some reasonable doubt so he can take care of his child himself. Jeff can then later, just between four eyes tell the real story if he did it, etc... I'm sure your imagination is way better than mine.
Great story
This is why you are one of my favorite authors.
good story
DG, your a great writer but you are very hard on the men.
DG Hear
A big thank you to those who stayed with me on this story. It was a fun write. I'm considering a sequel but not sure yet. I'm kind of interested in doing Joe the writer.
I know this story could have ended a dozen ways. It wasn't an easy task but it was a fun write. Hope you enjoyed it.
With respect
DG Hear
Excellent Story
The work is very well developed and I have always felt that Bishop Berkeley had it right.. The world that we experience is our truth. There is no way to know absolute truth, it is all relative.
Here no one will know what really happened and the TV stories which nicely tie up everything in no way reflect reality. By the way,our CSI hero could only go along with the physical evidence which seemed clearcut though I did not hear anything about him being tested for gunshot residues..
I wonder if Julia will wake up in the middle of the night with the realization that her loved one is a murderer...
Finally, I think that Brad got the better deal. He is dead and buried, Jeff will spend a long life in prison paying for a crime which he did not commit. His father will have to suffer with this, too.
Great Work
Great story
So Jeff remains in prison for life because a psychotic pair of women wanted revenge on his father for being in an auto accident that was not his fault. THAT is unjust. Wow! Perhaps the darkest tale I have ever read.
Good story but
I hate when, after much buildup, the 'villains' die "offscreen" with nothing addressed....
It feels like such an anticlimax
Lovely gnawing doubt
A fantastic tale, all five chapters. Despite the really good conjectures by the author insert/narrator, there are enough holes left unfilled and questions left unanswered for there to be doubt as to the veracity of the conclusions reached. It ends with uncertainty, which makes the story feel more real. Fantastic job.
Great but...
Liked the story immensely but sure would like more closure! Well written and kept my interest throughout. I sure can see a sequel here as the attorney files the appeal and they find Joe innocent and release him...
Like many I sure like to see a story line closed out. Great work. I like almost all your submissions
I am glad when excellent authors wrote positive critics stories of each others . I hope SW_MO_Hermit's excellent LW stories others will read here on Lit as well.
Excellent work!
This is, most certainly, an uncommon story. You get an A+ for plausiblity, and another for entertainment value.
It would have been nice to have known what happened to Jeff, after the release of the "story/report".
Unfinished
There is no reason to leave the readers hanging on this kind of a story. There is no dilemma which merits serious thought.
Excellent story. I'm also kind of glad that there was confession, no 'smoking gun' so to speak, it kept the resolution realistic. I really hope to see more mysteries from you in the future, well done.
Grow up!
What is wrong with you "critics" who insist an author "finish" the story. This author warned you of the outcome. It is finished as well as can be done under the circumstances. If you want complete endings, go back to Mother Goose.
Ahhhhhh, The Skeleton
Good story and apparently a good frame. There is one thing the author covered that I have not seen before, it is also true in my experience. The writers wife wanted to shower or be clean for her husband. That is never covered in porn stories, not really, you never see a woman object. Reality is much different. I dated heavily before I was married and I was stopped on my journey to dine at the Y nine times out of ten. I have to dine more now than when I was single. When my wife comes into the room and mentions that shes REALLY fresh, thats my cue....
Good work!
Another excellent story, DG. Thoroughly enjoyed it. Would have been happier if Jeff had been cleared. So what, don't worry about our gripes. You can't please everybody all the time. Thank you.
As Copy Editor
this was a lot of fun to work on. DG Hear is a copy editor's dream--a great writer who works with you. He sure keeps you guessing, and, like real life, doesn't give you neat and pretty endings. If DG is up for a sequel, I'd really enjoy working on it if he wishes. Don't worry, fans, I do technicals only; I don't dare touch his plot or characters.
Another superb and well written series of stories by a master....
How about Julie? Some women don't take kindly to threats to their men or their families. Could she have had access to a truck? After all, Joe was at Denny's and had the receipt to prove it. The kids asleep....
Loved the story!
"Ahh", the reader sighed in contentment. "That was a most satisfying story. It was well organized, with a great cast of weird characters that propelled me to relish each delicious sentence.". This reader loved the ending...very thought provoking which added to my enthusiasm for this author...so many slippery red herrings...brilliant!
ending was not bad but not very good either
The beginning of this chapter we have the writer picking into the background of both of these criminally evil and twisted women/wives. We see the writer character investigate the high schools and backgrounds of DARCY.... Visiting the local library talking to former high school classmates ...Talking to the Foster parents etc
But then that suddenly changes and and we have the investigative writer coming up with a bunch of conclusions and leaps in Logic which may or may not be correct.
I am not sure why DG Hear decided that he investigative writer character should actually stop investigating but the change in techniques is quite noticeable halfway through the story.
Lastly killing off the two women in a car accident is just really stupid. There is no confrontation there never forced to confess they were never held accountable for their actions. Instead somebody may or may not have pushed them off the road.
BIG deal. Ohhhh and um Jeff is still in jail
An excdllent story
Once again a story that actuallu makes the reader think. Certainly on what the writer discovered there would not be sufficient new evidence without a confession from either of the women, as both were now dead that isn't going to happen. Whether ir would be of use in an appeal who knows. My own bet for the killer of the two women was the writer. He above all was aware of the nature of these women and after the threat to Julie had to take some action to protec himself and his family as murder did not bother Shauna. DG a great story
Many apologies for the errors, it's my first try at typing on a tablet
Nice story
First, the premise is fresh and the twists and turns are as well. The unraveling of Darcy and Shauna's past is interesting and the connection to Jeff is unique.
The ending is not satisfying. Jeff is still convicted of multiple murders. The idea that all the information discovered is not meaningful seems false. In the trial there was no one else with motive to kill the men. Now there is, and a history of people dying in strangely similar ways around the two women. That is significant evidence. The tie to Jeff's father establishes a clear motive. Further, Darcy's comment about him losing his son indicates that Darcy was aware of the link. Now that Darcy and Shauna have a motive their access to all the weapons and their interaction with Jeff at the time of the murder becomes very important. They have motive, means, and opportunity. They have a reason to frame Jeff. Their shopping at the mall alibi was probably never looked at carefully because they were never seriously considered suspects. They would have to establish the presence of BOTH of them every 30 minutes. Going to the movies is no alibi. They could have easily bought tickets, went in to the theater and immediately left. No one would have noticed. All this would seem to me to bring Jeff's conviction into question. Not being a lawyer I don't know if it would be enough but maybe. An author can write a story as he pleases but when he leaves a significant wrong unbalanced it leaves a bad taste.
With the history of these women, I have to wonder if they are really dead or if they killed a couple of ringers. Maybe Jeff's father had them killed, maybe they staged their deaths because they felt the investigation closing in.
I also felt that the story was repetitive at points or at least spinning it's wheels. I would have to go back and reread it to get details and it's too long for that but that is my impression. Several times I have the "We already went over this" impression.
I enjoyed the detective work and the evolution of the story. I also like that the story is not certain. It looks like Jeff might be innocent, although he is a moron. What fool grabs a machete "for defense" when he has a gun? But we're not really sure what information is the whole truth. Very realistic.
I know who killed Darcy and Shauna. Read the last page carefully. There is a clue that suggests the narrator Joe Baker himself could be the killer. He was worried about his family. He went to drive to clear his head and goes to a diner at 3am early morning. That afternoon Shauna and Darcy are found dead. Where did Joe go that night?
STUPID. STUPID. STUPID
No ending = no story...
THE ALLEGED CRIMINALS GOT THEIR JUST REWARDS
the dupe still sits in the pen. This had and ending, but no closure. HEY DG BE THE SUPREME COURT ON THIS. TK U MLJ LV NV
Now what the fuck do you think. That is the question.
Great mystery story
So who dunnit? who cares it was a great story. Thank you!
Enjoyed it
A very interesting tale
Maybe it was the author that did it. That's my guess.
Great Tale
Excellent writing and a tremendous plotline. A little unsatisfying in the end because Jeff is still in prison and we don't know who forced the women off the road.
Well well well. Another chapter.
Hmmm...
LOL - Oh wait sequel??
Could it be
Nice tale
The problem
Is that Shauna and Darcy are the most interesting characters in the novel and they are gone.
a kaleidoscope of whocouldadoneit
Just like in real life, where estimates of unsolved cases range from fifty to eighty percent. And every body had excellent motivations to kill someone.
The only reason I would question Jeff's guilt was two important clues that were not properly addressed in this story. Gunpowder residue and blood spray.
The three men who had been fatally shot. Decapitation afterwards would have resulted in little blood splatter. Why is it all over Jeff''s clothes and not under his fingernails or in his hair?
As written, testing Jeff for gunpowder residue would have been a pretty standard requirement or no smart DA would touch the case.
And that the two women should have also been tested. Even wearing gloves it would have gotten into makeup,body and head hair, and certainly clothes. As well as been contaminating the car they had been in.
Quite apparent who killed the two women
Our author friend, either did it himself, or he had someone else run them off the road, after they visited his wife. Can't say I blame him. I wouldn't want those two crazy women near my family either!
Great Story
DG writes many good stories - THANKS for your work.
This one is well constructed. My only comment is finding a way for Jeff to gather other evidence that will be different from the trial evidence will be difficult unless phone conversations can be recovered. Certainly the police followed the trail that evidence dictated, phone calls were confirmed but the actual conversation were unknown. Jeff's account is possible but where both ladies at the mall to get the receipts or only one? Again the sales persons could not answer that question. Were security cameras checked? Probably not as there was not a reason because Jeff's actions and the evidence were consistent.
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