The Lustful Wife-Mom Ch. 01

Syntax

If Jenny is "your" daughter, how could she come into the room after saying good night to her mom and dad? You need an editor.

News Flash: "'Anonymous' Manages to Look Both Foolish and Churlish... Yet Again!"

Certainly the phrase could have been written much more clearly, but the author doesn't need an editor as much as you need an interpreter. Your post takes the phrase out of context and therefore strips it of its intended meaning. The full sentence is:

"Jenny... came into the room wearing her sweat shorts and tee shirt ready to go to bed after saying good night to her mom and dad."

I'll admit that you can parse this as you have but for your interpretation to be correct Jenny would need two sets of parents and the bed would have to be located in the living room. Much more likely that the author intended to indicate that Jenny would be ready for bed only after saying good night.

Register for an account and post your own story and we'll see how well YOU do. :-)

It's called roleplay.. =)

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Horrible grammar. Unreal.

Who wrote this??

Did you have an editor scan this first? That was almost painful.

Awful

Another incest story where the 18 yr old daughter talks and acts like a 5 yr old.
Very poor

well

I agree with the first anonymous, the way the sentence reads, she came into the room after saying good night to her parents. It wasn't the best story, the daughter did talk like she was 5, and the dialog was hard, in that it is not the way dialog is done.

Authors separate dialog with " marks. When you repeatedly type "me" and "wife" it becomes distracting. Not necessarily ruinous, just distracting. I did like the scenario, though. This story has real potential, just read some of the tips on this site, look at novels, see how they're written, and get an editor and I think you'll do fine.

Be encouraged, my friend, criticism is not a bad thing, allowing your feelings to be hurt is, however.