All Comments on 'The Lustful Wife-Mom Ch. 02'

Wife:

Me:

Wife:

Me:

See how silly that looks?

Geez.

But I agree with the previous post - be careful with how you choose to give us dialog. The wife/me with colons got annoying ptetty quickly. Better to write dialog within the paragraphs, or at least the typical "... said my wife," or "I replied." Make it easier for your readers to follow along.

I like how you are moving the story along, but wish you gave us a longer chapter! Anxious to get to some daddy/daughter action!

A story or a script?

Choose your format - if the reader has to work out what they are reading, they won't be focusing on your story. The worst thing a writer to do is lose the reader - and baby, this reader was lost!

IF you dont like the story then DONT read it....DUH! i don't see you guys writing and posting stories....

They're honest criticisms, and just because someone hasn't done something, such as write a story, does not mean they can't tell the difference between a story with lame dialog and a good one.

Listen, sweetness, there is a fine line between criticism and cruelty. Cruelty says, "you suck, you're a moron, don't ever write again." Criticism says, Criticism: this kind of dialog is hard to follow, it's repetitive and distracts the eye.

I like the story, its a good premise, and I want to read more, just so you know. But there are problems, some of which are easily fixable with editing.

And all you people, out there, who get so incensed that someone criticizes these stories; get over yourselves. If the writer doesn't want public feedback, where he may get rave reviews, or scathing salutations, he can disable the comments. Most writers want to improve their skills, I know, as a poet, I love feedback, but I know some of my stuff is really great, while some of it is shit. But I don't want to keep writing shit, I want it to be great. For that I need an honest opinion, because of that I give an honest opinion.