Very hot and interesting, but you need something to show or delineate viewpoint changes, otherwise it can be confusing.
i just love it I hope you keep writing i am looking forwasard to see what ccomes next it get make veery Hot and Horny
like the others said you might want to mark the change of perspective, also proof read and edit you have some parts you put the wrong word, like 'wake' instead of 'make' or 'I' instead is 'it'
Thank you very much for you're comments. As this was my first submission to this site I'm very pleased that people enjoy my writings. I will work in future submissions to note the breaks between characters. I'm working right now on the second installment.
awesome story, cant wait to read more
Futa is fucking win... im sorry but i would rather watch an animated short of a futa fucking another chick then even watch regular porn of a guy fucking another chick... I can watch both without issue, but I find the lack of a "male" besides meself fucking another chick so much more arousing!
And, as a PLUS for this author, HE GOT IT RIGHT, and by that I mean that the CLIT which was originally destined to be a penis depending on your genes at birth is what turns into the penis... LOTS of author's here on lit get it wrong with like a penis growing out above the clit... or talk of using the cock while getting the clit stroked... wrong wrong wrong...
Author, keep it up, love it! cannot wait to read more, please dont leave us hanging!
Your story went from a nice pace, introducing characters, leading up to sexual events, to something moving too fast, like her busting in, raping the hell out of her, cumming, and feeling guilty, all within 3 Paragraphs. Needs more detail and better plot, this seems a bit generic, you've got to make memorial, somethin g special, something worth remembering. Sorry for the rant.
i loved it. ur story made me so wet i wish we had futas at my middle school
Just submitted part 2 which will include Mercy's past. It is waiting approval.
btw Im female. just so you know
Im Jenna and i was born with a penis and vagina. its cool to hear stories that cover intersexuals. I got hard and wet reading just when i hit the end i nearly came. Cant wait for part 2
If you are going to have one of your characters as a narrator, please don't switch and have someone else do it, that's just confusing. You are also confusing me as to what she actually has down there. First you say she has a clit that gets long and hard like a dick and then later on it IS a dick and she can cum...stick to one thing lol. Oh, and 10 inches long, 1 inch thick?? That's not very well proportioned at all, it's hard to really get turned on by that lol. You have the start of something good here, just keep it up and make sure not to rush the sexual parts, that's kind of a downer.
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