All Comments on 'An Average Guy Ch. 01'

I'm a big fan of incestuous romance. I admit it. Although I've never practiced it, I feel that incest without love is as meaningless as sex with a prostitute.

This story of love between siblings is more erotic than sexy. These two charaters have a need for each other that needs to be fulfilled and the author has built that need, superbly.

Now, we readers need part 2. We need to know if their need for each other is fulfilled. To leave us wondering, would be a torture worse than anything being (allegedly) dished out at Guantanamo Bay.

5/5

About half way down the first page. He's driving down the road at 70 mph, and then a couple of sentences later, "the tachometer approaches 80"

Speedometer, not tachometer.

If the author grew up in California why does he use obvious British terms like runner & whilst?

Would love to see a second chapter to this story. The interaction and developement between the two sibilings was excellent especially how you could feel the tension and love between the two.

There were a few minor terms that were wrong but otherwise it was a great story.

So more of Mike and Alice please

I love this story and can't wait for next chapter. Please keep'em comin as it is very good.

Way too long. Lost in second paragraph at sparkly vampire

Too long? And how in the hell did you get lost? I say, damn well written. Great story, somewhat believable. You've earned yourself 5 stars.

If this story was a cake - it would be all icing. I appreciate that the author is coming from a sincere place and it's his prerogative to set the pace but DAMM! It's time to git' some!

too the twit that was lost after the sparkly vampire. that was in reference to the twilight saga which takes place in forks washington.

It's your story tell it the way you feel and want. You certainly don't need to hear stupid suggestions from us non-writers telling you how to do it. So far so good, and well done, go at YOUR own pace, as you see fit.

generally a pretty good story, but it does come off as a bit wordy sometimes, in particular things get overly explained.. like i'm overly explaining this now, but that's a thing i do, just so you understand.. i hope i'm making sense here :)

Really good story.... Looking forward to more...

Sweet erotic and loving with well developed characters, it would be a shame to leave such a good start to wither and die.

Thanks for the read

i have been reading stories here for years and never came acrossed one about mafia bosses.

if you are going to make a reference to something like sparkely vampires from twilight then explain it not every one knows about these things and it can confuse them.

Great work nonetheless! :D

This is the best chapter of this story. Seriously. Stop reading.

The rest is 100% angst, and I had to stop reading because it hurt too much.

Definitely Part 2!