The Horror From Under Lake Memphrem

Had potential

For such a short piece it is very good. The biggest problem is the many spelling errors scattered throughout:

Tearing, not; tarring
Foul not; fowl
Bitter, not; biter
Does, not; dose
Daughter, not; doughter
Revealing, not; reveling
Now, not; know

There are also grammatical and punctuation errors throughout.

It is important to proof and edit your work before posting. Some people think those who point out these sort of errors are fussy nitpickers, but a piece riven with mistakes suggests the author does not care about their work or the reader who invests time and imagination reading it. If you don't care about your work why should anyone else?

There, lecture over.

I think you have a good idea here. I would have liked to see a bit more detail, to help me paint a mental picture of what is happening. Not overly detailed, but we do not know what this girl looks like, it is hard to be scared for her without some kind of back story. Your description of the beast was very good. I think if you found an editor to help you draw out some ideas, and yes help with grammar you should do very well.

Not meaning to discourage you, but you might wish to add a disclaimer at the start of the story. SHUB-NIGGURATH(the spelling may be off) is part of the Cuthulu stories written by H.P. Lovecraft back in the early 1900's. Quite likely, one of first horror writers that we still have writings from. I'm not sure if someone holds the rights to those stories, but you could get into trouble if there is no disclaimer.....