But you stopped just as the story was getting hot. I would love to read this same story with another page or two in the middle. Your writing really made me feel like I was there, watching.
by
Anonymous09/08/11
minor tense problems detract slightly from one or two paragraphs. Did not need the end 'wink' - a bit too penthouse, the reverie was enough without the 'reality' injection.
English
Excellent writing
But you stopped just as the story was getting hot. I would love to read this same story with another page or two in the middle. Your writing really made me feel like I was there, watching.
minor tense problems detract slightly from one or two paragraphs. Did not need the end 'wink' - a bit too penthouse, the reverie was enough without the 'reality' injection.
Well done.
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to The Sauna or
More submissions by bel69.