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Lions of Parnatha Ch. 03

byMedievna©
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Comments (14)
by Anonymous

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by Anonymous09/07/11

Glad to see Lithana in action, but must you always portray her as some meek creature in every social situation? It doesn't mesh with her percieved upbringing. If she was able to survive the "boarding school" and intelligent tomboy upbringing while maintaining her fiery temper through out, why does she suddenly turn into a week kneed doey eyed girl for all these people around her? It's cliched and disappointing.

I'm also rather disappointed with the main males reaction during the wedding night, fucking a serving girl just seemed to reinforce Lithanas percieved prejudices, especially after his actions during the first chapter which made him appear to be a much more interesting and vibrant character.

The setting, overall plot and your writing ability are good but I think you need to work on your characterization some more. The supporting characters are fluid and maintain their roles (if a bit one dimensional) but your main characters actions seem to jump around randomly to fulfill the plot.

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by i24nik809/07/11

I am starting to like this story. However even assuming that you are just telling the story from Lithana's perspective, the use of my and me while talking about Gaius's actions after the kidnapping was wrong. It implies that she was aware of what he was doing and feeling when she wasn't there.

I also agree with the other poster about making her stronger in social situations. I like her role as one who is outside of societies norms and I hope you keep her that way.

But all in all keep up the good work and lets get the next chapter!

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by Anonymous09/07/11

We would appreciate some warning...

If you intend to write a same sex scene into the chapter. Also, Alethea's interaction with the drunken "cousin" was a non-consensual sexual act, that should not be just brushed aside with a "but you promised!"

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by Mtanner09/07/11

At Anon

It's a good story. So please unless you are going to write your own story and post it here for us to comment upon then don't be negative. As for the author so far your story is great and please keep going.

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by GrumpyGamby09/07/11

Another great chapter!

While I knew you wouldn't have the virginal bride be deflowered by a gang of slavers, it was tense for a moment. Now... When do we get to the good stuff?

Thanks for including your story tags too. Group sex usually does involve same sex touching. Keep writing your story as you see fit and ignore the silly whiners.

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by popparazzi09/07/11

Nice

I like this story,you show promise. you're are doing a good job for a first story.As you write more you will get better.congratulation and keep writing your story as you envision it.

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by GrumpyGamby09/07/11

Can people read?

lithana has not been in social situations but has been cloistered in a convent type situation. She lacks experience, knowledge and sophistication in social atmospheres. The author has already laid a plausible character rationale for her timidity at the orgy. And even without the convent type schooling, she's a virgin at an orgy for christs sake! How the hell else could anyone expect her to behave?

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by resapoo09/07/11

to the anons

stop being such cowards and get a screen name. Since we haven't seen you post anything, what gives you the right to criticize this author for things that she chooses to put in her story? Her character is typical for the period in which she has set HER story. Same sex coupling was also normal for that same period.

As far as getting a warning about same sex coupling, it was int he tagline. Not to mention that most of the sci-fi & fantasy stories had SSS.

Don't like it? Read something else.

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by Anonymous09/07/11

It's interesting.

I read the comments before the story because they tell you about whether the story is good. These "anonymous" people don't seem to be rude. They're just being straightforward. This author is getting what many people publishing on Lit would kill for: People care enough about her work, and see so much potential that they actually take time to comment. It seems a little strange that authors ask for feedback and then when honest feedback is given, other authors become defensive over someone else's work. Anonymous or not, I'd want to know what people think of my writing, so that I could improve. Picking some random screen name doesn't make your opinion legitimate. Not picking a screen name doesn't make your opinion irrelevant. I'm just saying.

Now that I've read the story I can say that I agree with a lot of what the anonymous people were saying. I also understand the point from one writer about this period in history. However, same sex situations might seem everyday to some people, but others just don't like reading about them. Some people aren't crazy about reading stories with tentacles or bondage while others go crazy over them. To each his own. By the way, the tag line reads orgies-group sex-romance. It's also on the second page. Give the anons (including this one) a break. It's a pretty good story so far. I would like to see some development in the relationship between the two main characters. This is twice that he's almost lost her. He actually seemed to like talking to her in the first chapter. Can we see more of that?

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by Anonymous09/08/11

love the fast paced writing, makes it easy to ignores minor quibbles when i am absorbed by the story and characters. pls write longer chapters :)

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by Anonymous09/08/11

I love this story. I voted 5 stars for the first two chapters and will this one as well…

But there are some problems that need to be addressed. If you are going to write in first person, that person could not possibly know what is happening or how individuals are thinking if she is not even in the room let alone the estate. She has been kidnapped. Write in first person with Lithana. Write in third person, when Lithana is no where around. Continue to separate the different scenes as you did.

Also I very much agree with another comment. Develop some relationship between Lithana and Gaius. He, especially, started out as a stronger character.

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by Anonymous09/16/11

People hating on anons

Are stupid. Even if you have an account, youre still anonymous. And most of you still havent submitted stories. Im an anon because i cant remember my password and because it makes no difference. So stop with the meaningless anon hate.

I agree with everyone else, the perspective is strange amd the characters need more development.

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by Anonymous08/19/13

Thank Goodness

You didn't rape the heroine for the sake of violence and to get a bit of sex in the chapter. I respect that as I have little tolerance for it if it is not between the two who will end up together.

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by AMHJ8910/11/13

I appreciate that she is a fighter and resourceful too many women are painted as weak and easily swooned

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