by Sweetness
I like this story. How ever you get it out there, keep it up!
I liked it as well, but I agree with the illustrative comment.
Dad: do you like sitting in my lap, Jenny?
Me: you know I do, daddy, but something always comes in between us. Jenny giggles in a girly way.
Me: the next time something comes up I plan to get a good handle on it, then bury the problem until it goes away. Would you help me with it?
Dad: of course baby, I would love to fu.... I mean, help you get on top of the situation!
Repeated over and over, that's annoying to read because its unneccessary. The writer simply adds quotations. For example:
"Do you like sitting in my lap; Jenny?"
"You know I do, daddy, but something always comes in between us!, says Jenny, giggling, the way teenage girls often do. "The next time something comes up I plan to get a good handle on it then bury the problem until it goes away, would you help me with it?"
"Of course baby, I would love to fu.... I mean help you get on top of the situation!"
No one is confused about who is saying what, may not be the greatest dialog, but its clear.
Sounds just like home. Daughter now 23 has moved away for her career. While she was in college, she'd bring a friend home on weekends to share with her mother and I. Most of the friends were women, but on occassion a young stud for her and my wife.
Now we need all three in the same bed with Big Daddy fucking each of his "baby girls" one right after the other.
Maybe grandpa should get into the circle too.
I was into this story at the outset - I actually felt compelled to go to each next step - and I am looking for more and more - it can go into thousands of different ways - all of which I am certain will suck me in even further.
Loved your story. Should be more though. Mother, Daughter, Father, Grandfather, all the angles should be covered. Great story though. Loved it !