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English
more please
I really liked the story and I hope that there will be more to it.
Proof-read!!
"Can I stay in her with you?" Nick asked, ...
sweet but...
As another commenter said, you should proof read. There are a lot of errors like that; a spell check would have helped as well. I could buy her crush on him, but I couldn't quite buy some of his comments. If he wanted her so bad, why was he dating Tory in the first place? Okay, the friends thing -- but I think we needed to hear him say it, we needed his explanation. Because it comes across as though if Tory hadn't had a fit, he would have slept with Tory.
A thought
It might have made sense had Tory become increasingly suspicious of Nick's feelings for Lauren, and vice versa.
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