Unbalance

Keep it Coming!

Good Job, can't wait for the next chapter.

I loved it hope i won't have to wait too long to read the next chapter

Can't ...

Can't get much better than that and now all I want to do is have the next Ch. posted as I know there are going to be two happy people (I hope) and a lot of happy readers. Thanks.

fiction

Part of the requirement for fiction to be considered "good" is that the reader does not consciously know it is fiction. Make your characters come alive. Additionally, why do so many literotica writers, yourself included, start out their work with disclaimers regarding age, and in this particular case, the fact that it was indeed just an imaginary story? Perhaps it's because I teach English, or that I just read so many different works, but I've found that the reality of fiction should be left to the reader's imagination.

Good read

Enjoyed it though more would be nice. True to word it was fast paced.

Would love to read more about their naugHty bus rides!

Thank you for commenting

To lisanow2003,

First, thanks for taking the time to write what you didn't like and, most of all, why you didn't like it.

I am sorry, but I do not share your idea of what is a good fiction. Especially since what you've said is pretty much a major slap in the faces of at least two great literary genres, Fantasy and Science Fiction. Cause even if we sure know it's not real, I know there is quite a bunch of people that consider at least some of those work masterpieces.

Since it is clearly stated that no minors should be depicted involved in any kind of sexual intercourse to be published on this website, I felt like I should let people know it wasn't the case in this work (I simply forgot to do so in my first story).

About the characters, I know I have trouble giving them a personality and I'll try to work on that for the next part of this story.

To everyone else,

Thanks for encouraging me, I will try to make it as fast as possible without jeopardizing the quality of my work.

fun and sexy

very enjoyable, lokking forward to ch 2

Copy cat

Same exact story that was done years ago except one part the characters. You substituted the mother & son with a brother & sister. Nice to know you enjoy getting full credit when you deserve only 2% for the substitution.

The story is a good foundation to a series

The characters could be fleshed out a little more with some background perhaps in the next chapter, but the intent of incest should be played up a bit more.

I can only feel that both brother and sister are very naive to sexual matters, and that could give the story a good hook with them discovering the pleasure and love that they could give each other by becoming sexually committed to each other.

Thanks for the read

Thank you

To the writer of Copy cat,

Since the very first words of my disclaimer are precisely about what you're accusing me of doing, I seriously don't know if you're trolling or if you simply didn't bother reading them. It doesn't really matter in the end, because I won't bother arguing with you in any case.

Have a nice day/night/whatever.

To digdaddyrich,

Thanks for commenting and for the compliments. Don't worry, I was already planning to develop the characters and the background a bit more in the second part of this story.

Water on a ducks back...

A good effort deserving good marks.

Some criticisms may be helpful, but pay little attention to those who vent their own frustration and anger.

You should feel encouraged to write and post often. YOu will improve though you already are one of the more talented writers on this site. Good authors often use proof readers, but the choice is yours.

Thank You!

Even if this was not plagarism, it is not good writing.

And declaring that you have more to learn from yourself than from a skillful editor is not only delusional, but possibly pathological. As for your introduction, you could have made it more complete had you described waking up, and your choice for breakfast. It is amazing that so many lousy writers seem to employ devices, choices and features that never occurred to Poe, Melville, Hemingway or Steinbeck. Find another hobby, fuckwit.

Thank you

Well, since it apparently wasn't clear enough, let me explain something.
To me, getting my work edited now would be the same as using a calculator without knowing how to calculate. I know this isn't good writing, which is the very reason why I don't think I deserve an editor yet.
When I will be able to speak and write in english properly then, and only then shall I ask the help of an editor.
It may not be the smartest way to go, but it is mine and I force nobody to read my work.

The rest of your post was pointlessly rude, so I won't bother answering it. Thanks for taking the time to comment, have a nice day/night/whatever.

To the writer of Water on a ducks back,
Thank you for encouraging me and don't worry, I only answer to the part that makes sense in a rude post.

Fast read

It's a quick read, and a good short story. I acknowledge that there are a few areas that you could work on in your story telling (is English not your first language?) and, yes, your work might indeed benefit from skilled editing. However, I do understand (and I am a writer myself) the desire to "do it all yourself." Ultimately, writing, like most other disciplines, improves with practice.

This is not to say that every story is appealing to every person. Obviously, differing stories appeal to different people; otherwise, we would a single category on Literotica and nothing more.

Ignore the sniping of ill-informed and small minds, especially those too cowardly to sign their name (even a screen name!). The world needs more people to tell its stories, to challenge imagination, to delve into the realms of fantasy and desire, to ultimately provide (if only for a moment) a flash of something more beyond the mundane. Keep writing. Keep dreaming.

And if, in the future, you should desire editing, the volunteer editors on Literotica are exceptional. Working with one of them is guaranteed to help you in your quest for writing excellence.

Thanks a lot

I'm french and I'm still learning english. I wouldn't call myelf a writer since I'm still not able to speak or write the language properly but thanks for using that term, I was very flattered.

It Is What It Is

Writing is simply that: writing. I read this and I enjoyed it. Quite a bit, actually. You are a better author than you think. Always remember: You are you own worst critic. If a person really takes the time to look, there are a lot of famous authors whose work is more poorly written than yours. The worst thing I saw in this was that you may want to try to use "she" or "he" as much in the same paragraph, as it fosters repetitiveness. You are talented. Never doubt it. Thank you for submitting this for us to read.

Good!

I liked this, I hope you continue this. It deserves another chapter or two!

NICE

I WONDER IF YOU ARE THE SUBJECT OF YOUR STORIES...CONTINUE

kool

Hey what happens next?

Crap

Total rubbish

I liked it

Reminds me of a time last year shared between myself and my girlfriend on the bus home from school.

Could use some expression improvements, but I enjoyed it none the less.

I like the story and would love it , if you make more in similiar style.

mm

wow wish that would happen to me and my sister shes hot 36dd 5'6 blond and an ass you would love to pound