Our Parent's Videos

Stupid

Not worth the time spent reading this crap.

I disagree with "Anonymous", I enjoyed it.

Good potential

A pretty good start. You have good ideas but should try to be realistic. Brother peeping, playing. Keep writing

I don't get it...

Why go to the trouble and effort to build a story so full of love and respect, and then fuck it completely up with the non/consent stuff in the end??!?! It's just stupid to change like that!

The story had so much potential!!

Another thing. Who behaves this way immediately after their loving mother dies?! Plausibility author! Makes the story much more readable.

Need Better Editing

It's small, but it's the type of thing that bugs me, and I think most readers. In the beginning you say the mom dies when she was 20, then the dad says tells the son to take care of his 18 year old sister. Also, you claim the son is 7 years older than the daughter and had a scholarship from an ivy league school, but doesn't graduate until he's 25 somehow (should be 21 or 22). Another point, the ivy league doesn't give athletic scholarships.

All this within the set up to the story. If you can't set up the story properly in the first couple paragraph please don't bother with the rest.

if anything, it was too short!

I wish they had spent more time with the videos and the
Pseudo innocent exploration before going to bed. I would also
have liked it more if there had been a few teaser events before
Her brother takes her virginity. However, overall, I really enjoyed
the story and I hope it continues. It would be really cool
If dad was bi and did to big brother what he did to his sister.

Interesting story

OK, not going to dog pile on here. Editing is a problem to me because I see one sentence, or two sentence paragraphs. Can't figure that at all. A one page story has a simple plot that can be solved quickly. This is a story that is complicated where details get a little mixed up. I didn't understand the ending until I read the author's profile. Now I get it, but there were no signals in the story to give readers a hint. This story is not a one page story in my way of thinking. More character development to start gives a better road map to the end. Keep writing, the story can be very interesting with some nice twists.
RS

all your numbers are f%^#ed!

18, 24 , 7 , 20 , flat, double d, 9 inches, 10 inches. Proof read your stories before you submit. Make notes for yourself.

Thank you

Thank you for constructive critisism, I have made corrections for consistancy errors. I hope the revised edition is up soon.

eh

To short write a sequal.