Love the quality . HATE the quantity. Waiting for the 2nd part of this few days was like Death Valley stroll with empty canteens. Finally you cross the border , sight a lone bar on the horizon but they only serve drinks in thimbles & there's a no refill policy.
this another is just another man hating author. I have never seen so many writers that the sole purpose in their writing is to fuck the husband. If half of the shit were true they would all be dead and he would be in prison. She cheats but damn you guys love fucking up the husbands life.
by
Anonymous10/09/11
Where, oh where, is the hole that these sick authors crawl out of.
They don't write erotic, they write filth and trash. Literotica truly needs to create a new category for these pathetic creatures and confine their tales to that category.
I'm with LSD. The irony - when you want a flood, you get a trickle. Very good story. It's like a action movie for nerds. Seriously, this is a great story and indecently well written. Nice play on the emotions and thoughts coursing through Jim's heart and mind.
Most importantly, the story lines flow naturally.
Normally, I'm not impatient, but waiting for the rest of the story is reminiscent of that old Heinz ketchup commercial, "Anticipation, is making me wait".
Great job, FD45.
by
Anonymous10/09/11
I hate serial stories
You lose to much content along the way, try to get it out daily if you insist. Also your chapters are way to short.
There are quite a few mysteries here! Was there a meeting of the Board of Directors that our hero was not invited to? Where he was fired? Barnes seemed to think he could kick the hero out of his office and parking space. Certainly the divorce would take at least three months even if he did not contest it. There was no way that the voting proxy would be useful until the final decree. I wonder who bought his stock! On with the show!
I'm on nins and peedles here! Write faster! I got a good feeling about this one, I don't think she's gonna get away with it. If this were a Matt Moron, or Daniel Q Skank story I wouldn't be reading it, but if I did read I'd be worried. Needs longer chapters.
I can understand wanting to get some feedback and posting a story in sections, but at the same time there should be more meat on the bones of each chapter. This one was good, an ddefinitely built the story, but its way too short.
FD you have a good story started here, but you will need to feed it to your readers faster or many won't bother to finish it. And that assumes you complete writing it.
I apreciate this story earlier with 5 stars. But I want wrote one thing PAPATOAD all stories are excellent and if the clishe origins from DGHear (DGHear's from others) it does not matter. Unfortunately he does not allow the comments, WHAT A PITY!!!
BTW FD45 will be similar good writer.
But: Please don't deal it out to us in in such small rations next time. One reads a peace and then has to wait for the continuation too long to remember the proceedings so far and has to re-read everything.
5* for the plot and the humoruous writing. I liked your jokes.
Please tell me he sold his shares for $1 to his friend. Then, Jim takes his project and sets up a new company with his buddy in Ohio, forcing the old company and Mindy into bankruptcy. ha ha ha ha (evil laugh). keep it up
Someone mentioned selling the business for a buck. That may work in certain situations. I do know it works with vehicles in my state. A member of my family owns Harley repair shop. Over the years he has helped friends going through divorces by buying their motorcycles and a car or two for one dollar. He sold them back for the same price after the divorce. I wonder how the ladies reacted when they realized that twenty or thirty grand was no longer in play. It's good to have loyal friends, even if the old lady isn't.
by
Anonymous10/09/11
idiot
is this a site for women haters?
by
Anonymous10/10/11
a stock thing -
If it were a publicly traded company, a princpal of the company can't dump all their shares without a disclosure and a delay, if memory serves.
A good story, but the detail was distracting. I do understand it is necessary for the plot line.
Please excuse the short chapters. Eight pages of word processor text comes out as a single page in Lit. I can't tell you how many times I've seen a story with 17+ pages in a single chapter and seriously asked myself 'Do I really want to start on this?' I wanted to avoid that and it seems I have...in spades.
That said, yes, one page is too short and the next chapter is also short, I'm sorry to say. To make sure that you know your critiques are heard, the FOURTH chapter will finish the entire story off no matter how many pages it has. This means that even if I finish it tonight (without editing) it will still take a few days with the moderators before it clears.
Stock Anonymous: This is addressed in part further in the story. I would refer you to the 'way too young voice' on the other end of the phone conversation. Randy, needless to say, is in trouble.
Anonymous Heidi of the Swiss Alps. Thank you for your vague and totally unhelpful comments. If you have some specific examples, feel free to post them so I can avoid such errors in future. Otherwise help yourself to our goat buffet.
1. Can't sell all your shares or even a big chunk of them before or after an IPO. Period. If you are selling shares as part of the offering, that's it. The rest are tied up. This is a huge securities law violation.
2. The bad guys in this piece have committed massive securities law violations, of the kind that would have their heads on pikes. You can't screw with a company before or in the period after an IPO. Period. What they are doing amounts to a large fraud on the public.
3. IPO's are done through investment houses. They won't sell your shares. They will make it impossible for you to sell your shares.
4. The investment house has you sign all sorts of disclosures and indemnities about your conduct. The bad guys in this story would not only go to prison but would be on the hook for everything.
If you are going to write, you need to decide if you're going to toss off stories or do research and get them somewhat close to right. You don't have to be exact in a story but you need to get closer than this.
This is a version of the stupid stories which don't understand how divorce laws work - and which imagine it's 1962 and the husband controls everything. Or the stories which think alienation of affection lawsuits are a big deal, like we're living in the 1930's.
You have some writing ability, so I'm taking the time to make these points. The question is: what kind of writer do you want to be?
by
Anonymous10/13/11
about fell off my chair laughing
after reading the clueassless comment - gratifying to see the long prison sentences being handed down for the securities violations that wiped out my retirement portfolio a few years ago. What color is the sky in his world I wonder?
Securities violations result in fines which in many cases are simply considered the cost of 'doing business' these days. Shit, you can't even get put in prison for doing business with Iran.
by
Anonymous10/14/11
Fine story
Very enjoyable, and to the whiners. This is a story and there is no good reason to adhere to your opinions, right or wrong. Get a life.
Really enjoying, might make me read your whole portfolio, this is good stuff. Way too short, for a chapter of this quality, but I will take what I can get.
He says she'll get half his shares if he's served; wouldn't that have to wait for the court to decide the division of assets?
And assuming she gets 50%, how does SHE get to decide which assets? What if he says she can have the house and their savings and he'll keep the shares?
English
mountain dew line cracked me up
always thought that was a stereotype but maybe it's true - and give Mindy a raise, Swati too
Your Killing Me !
Love the quality . HATE the quantity. Waiting for the 2nd part of this few days was like Death Valley stroll with empty canteens. Finally you cross the border , sight a lone bar on the horizon but they only serve drinks in thimbles & there's a no refill policy.
i hate both
this another is just another man hating author. I have never seen so many writers that the sole purpose in their writing is to fuck the husband. If half of the shit were true they would all be dead and he would be in prison. She cheats but damn you guys love fucking up the husbands life.
Where, oh where, is the hole that these sick authors crawl out of.
They don't write erotic, they write filth and trash. Literotica truly needs to create a new category for these pathetic creatures and confine their tales to that category.
She sold him short
I'm with LSD. The irony - when you want a flood, you get a trickle. Very good story. It's like a action movie for nerds. Seriously, this is a great story and indecently well written. Nice play on the emotions and thoughts coursing through Jim's heart and mind.
Most importantly, the story lines flow naturally.
Normally, I'm not impatient, but waiting for the rest of the story is reminiscent of that old Heinz ketchup commercial, "Anticipation, is making me wait".
Great job, FD45.
I hate serial stories
You lose to much content along the way, try to get it out daily if you insist. Also your chapters are way to short.
I think I'll hold off on judgment until I've read everything. I do have to say that the wife really is a bitch, ain't she?
That Swati is a blast though. Hehehe.
Nice Work!
There are quite a few mysteries here! Was there a meeting of the Board of Directors that our hero was not invited to? Where he was fired? Barnes seemed to think he could kick the hero out of his office and parking space. Certainly the divorce would take at least three months even if he did not contest it. There was no way that the voting proxy would be useful until the final decree. I wonder who bought his stock! On with the show!
Dang!
I'm on nins and peedles here! Write faster! I got a good feeling about this one, I don't think she's gonna get away with it. If this were a Matt Moron, or Daniel Q Skank story I wouldn't be reading it, but if I did read I'd be worried. Needs longer chapters.
Short but sweet.
Very good, but it should have been a longer chapter. The natives are restless!
Too short
I had to go back and re-read chapter 1 to recall it all. As wonderful as you write, you will lose your audience this way. Very frustrating.
5 stars
Will his mental ill friend be more role in the future chapters?
Why the short chapters
I can understand wanting to get some feedback and posting a story in sections, but at the same time there should be more meat on the bones of each chapter. This one was good, an ddefinitely built the story, but its way too short.
FD you have a good story started here, but you will need to feed it to your readers faster or many won't bother to finish it. And that assumes you complete writing it.
Excuse me FD45!
I apreciate this story earlier with 5 stars. But I want wrote one thing PAPATOAD all stories are excellent and if the clishe origins from DGHear (DGHear's from others) it does not matter. Unfortunately he does not allow the comments, WHAT A PITY!!!
BTW FD45 will be similar good writer.
Much tension in this well-done thriller
But: Please don't deal it out to us in in such small rations next time. One reads a peace and then has to wait for the continuation too long to remember the proceedings so far and has to re-read everything.
5* for the plot and the humoruous writing. I liked your jokes.
awesome chapter
Please tell me he sold his shares for $1 to his friend. Then, Jim takes his project and sets up a new company with his buddy in Ohio, forcing the old company and Mindy into bankruptcy. ha ha ha ha (evil laugh). keep it up
Good
Someone mentioned selling the business for a buck. That may work in certain situations. I do know it works with vehicles in my state. A member of my family owns Harley repair shop. Over the years he has helped friends going through divorces by buying their motorcycles and a car or two for one dollar. He sold them back for the same price after the divorce. I wonder how the ladies reacted when they realized that twenty or thirty grand was no longer in play. It's good to have loyal friends, even if the old lady isn't.
idiot
is this a site for women haters?
a stock thing -
If it were a publicly traded company, a princpal of the company can't dump all their shares without a disclosure and a delay, if memory serves.
A good story, but the detail was distracting. I do understand it is necessary for the plot line.
Green-soemthing
do your homework next time...
this is worse than swiss cheese!
A public service announcement
Please excuse the short chapters. Eight pages of word processor text comes out as a single page in Lit. I can't tell you how many times I've seen a story with 17+ pages in a single chapter and seriously asked myself 'Do I really want to start on this?' I wanted to avoid that and it seems I have...in spades.
That said, yes, one page is too short and the next chapter is also short, I'm sorry to say. To make sure that you know your critiques are heard, the FOURTH chapter will finish the entire story off no matter how many pages it has. This means that even if I finish it tonight (without editing) it will still take a few days with the moderators before it clears.
Stock Anonymous: This is addressed in part further in the story. I would refer you to the 'way too young voice' on the other end of the phone conversation. Randy, needless to say, is in trouble.
Anonymous Heidi of the Swiss Alps. Thank you for your vague and totally unhelpful comments. If you have some specific examples, feel free to post them so I can avoid such errors in future. Otherwise help yourself to our goat buffet.
Do research
1. Can't sell all your shares or even a big chunk of them before or after an IPO. Period. If you are selling shares as part of the offering, that's it. The rest are tied up. This is a huge securities law violation.
2. The bad guys in this piece have committed massive securities law violations, of the kind that would have their heads on pikes. You can't screw with a company before or in the period after an IPO. Period. What they are doing amounts to a large fraud on the public.
3. IPO's are done through investment houses. They won't sell your shares. They will make it impossible for you to sell your shares.
4. The investment house has you sign all sorts of disclosures and indemnities about your conduct. The bad guys in this story would not only go to prison but would be on the hook for everything.
If you are going to write, you need to decide if you're going to toss off stories or do research and get them somewhat close to right. You don't have to be exact in a story but you need to get closer than this.
This is a version of the stupid stories which don't understand how divorce laws work - and which imagine it's 1962 and the husband controls everything. Or the stories which think alienation of affection lawsuits are a big deal, like we're living in the 1930's.
You have some writing ability, so I'm taking the time to make these points. The question is: what kind of writer do you want to be?
about fell off my chair laughing
after reading the clueassless comment - gratifying to see the long prison sentences being handed down for the securities violations that wiped out my retirement portfolio a few years ago. What color is the sky in his world I wonder?
Securities violations result in fines which in many cases are simply considered the cost of 'doing business' these days. Shit, you can't even get put in prison for doing business with Iran.
Fine story
Very enjoyable, and to the whiners. This is a story and there is no good reason to adhere to your opinions, right or wrong. Get a life.
WHEN THINGS LOOK BAD
ITS TIME TO TIGHTEN SECURITY ON HOME-BUSINESS-BANKING. TK U MLJ LV NV
This Is Great!!!!
I love this type of entertainment. Thanks for sharing.
Clever story, accuracy issues aside.
I was wishing for more complete editing. Lots of errors in grammar and usage. Reads better with contractions as in normal speech.
very
good, so far. 5 of those stars, *****
Loving it
five stars. This has me on the edge of my seat.
Get 'em, Jim.
I doubt that getting served would have given her 50% of his/their shares. That would have to wait for the judge's final decree. I think.
Hell Tim, it's California
who knows what the time line is on a divorce in the land of fruits and nuts.
dude, lovin this
Really enjoying, might make me read your whole portfolio, this is good stuff. Way too short, for a chapter of this quality, but I will take what I can get.
Liking It,But...
Two things puzzle me:
He says she'll get half his shares if he's served; wouldn't that have to wait for the court to decide the division of assets?
And assuming she gets 50%, how does SHE get to decide which assets? What if he says she can have the house and their savings and he'll keep the shares?
Second time through....
Well developed storyline.
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