This is a great start, and I hope you continue. I'd love to see the look on his soon to be ex when he leaves her for her mother. I hope he marries the mother-in-law. Older-women have more passion anyways. The Story was very hot, the dialog does need to be spruced up a bit, but it still is a fantastic story, tell it as you see fit.
by
Anonymous10/11/11
Constructive Criticism
Four things:
1) Spelling
2) Grammar
3) Punctuation
4) It reads like an episode of "Dragnet"
Good basis for a story, but heed the four comments above. Good luck with further stories.
by
Anonymous10/11/11
Pretty good
I liked it, women have their needs as well as men and younger guys are not so stuffy.So far as the anonymous comment I think there could have been more dialog as the story did seem too narrated.However the grammar,spelling,and punctuation seemed pretty good. On a scale of 1-5 I would have given it a 4
Well I liked the plot, but the grammer and spelling were somewhat off, it needs reading again and just sorting out a few bits and it will become a nice little read.. Keep it up.
English
Great Start
This is a great start, and I hope you continue. I'd love to see the look on his soon to be ex when he leaves her for her mother. I hope he marries the mother-in-law. Older-women have more passion anyways. The Story was very hot, the dialog does need to be spruced up a bit, but it still is a fantastic story, tell it as you see fit.
Constructive Criticism
Four things:
1) Spelling
2) Grammar
3) Punctuation
4) It reads like an episode of "Dragnet"
Good basis for a story, but heed the four comments above. Good luck with further stories.
Pretty good
I liked it, women have their needs as well as men and younger guys are not so stuffy.So far as the anonymous comment I think there could have been more dialog as the story did seem too narrated.However the grammar,spelling,and punctuation seemed pretty good. On a scale of 1-5 I would have given it a 4
MMMM nearly
Well I liked the plot, but the grammer and spelling were somewhat off, it needs reading again and just sorting out a few bits and it will become a nice little read.. Keep it up.
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