All Comments on 'Lara & Adonis'

Your writing style is stilted, your grammar needs work and you messed up simple phrases or simply ommitted words making the story difficult to follow because there was no flow to your writing. Also the plot itself lacks any hint of believability and it is extremely hard for the reader to follow the time line of this story. I strongly suggest you get an editor because I have a feeling that with some hard work your writing could really improve. Sorry if this comment seems harsh, it's meant in a constructive manner.

I really enjoyed your story so far. We all make mistakes in writing, its how we learn and improve our skills as an author. I look forward to more of your story. you have me hooked line and sinker.

Good a bit confusing but I liked it. I did not like when he slap her then they started making out, anyway with an editor this could be amazing you have my 5 states with the hope of a longer and better chapter

I can't wait for more - admittedly there were some errors but it happens (all too easily) unfortunately!

Thank you guys love the constructive criticism! Gonna work my butt of on my next submission! keep it up guys thanks again

-Brittany

To my favorites list that is. If this is how your starting off it will only get devastatingly good the further you get into it. Fabulous start!!! Some mistakes yes but who doesnt in the beginning but this definitely has the potential for awesomeness!!!!

Good but don't go to fast!!! Get into a little more details! You never told us what she looked like or anything. You sorta rushed into I think:) good overall though

This is great cant wait to read more update soon please.

I love your overall outline of the story, but just likes someone else had said, please slow it down and give us more detailed. We really would like to soak up in the story.

Beautiful first chapter and I love to see where you will go with this.

it's an intriguing sort line, but you're missing punctuation, and there are enough grammatical errors to really affect the reading of the story. Maybe you should find an editor.

Also, you need to keep Lara in character. She's screaming and standing up for herself one minute, then he hits her, and they have sex. Either she's meek and obedient to his will (so she won't be screaming at him), or she's fiery and independent (so she won't fall into his bed minutes after he slaps her).

just some things to think about.

on your first submission to Lit. I just discovered it today because chapter 2 has posted. I think you did a really nice job w/your story. Who doesn't make a mistake or two, at least you are putting yourself out here. I say keep writing, the story is good.

Again congrats on your first submission. I hope this becomes a successful series for you and that it is the first of many storys you share w/us Lit readers.

Can not wait for more.

This is just a suggestion, but I would have someone go back over this story and correct the grammer errors. It'll read easier if you do. Other than that, it's a good start

Unfortunately, little to no punctuation and problems with spelling. Difficult to read and follow as a result.

Hope author finds an editor.