All Comments on 'An Unlikely Romance Ch. 05'

This is insane, but I actually somewhat empathize with Simon right now. Hope you have a similar backstory for Monica. Nicely done.

Hmmm..... I'm giving a 3 and here is why...

This suffers from what I call the "Inception" problem. It was a great movie and Leo was great as always, but it was fundamentally not what dreams were like.

The recollection here is too coherent to be a psychological journey into the recesses of repressed memory. I suppose you're doing this for specific story purposes but, the doctor would surely be talking the patient through a smorgasbord of images and impressions. Instead it's a very clear picture of opening door after door into room after room.

Also, cortisol is a hormone, not a drug, so I am not sure it should be capitalized.

I think the main issue is still, that it's too coherent and structured. Also, I feel that maybe during such sequences, only showing should be done and not telling. So, for example, comments like "With parents like these what chance did I have of coming out normal?" should not be interspersed right in the middle of the recollection episode.

The woman figure also shouldn't appear to be a mystical entity like Catatafish in South Park. I know she says to Simon that it's all in his head, but the rest of her lines basically give this claim the lie.

So I feel this chapter aids the series as a story bridge, and now we know what drives Simon -- but I personally feel that I've come to know all this in a slightly mechanical way.

Like the insight even if it seems too coherant to be a dream. Suggest alternate method to access Simon's past. Cortisol is a hormone, but why would he need it to summon up the memory? Seems he would have an overload of that stress hormone already in his system...

Good - Some of the language was exquisite, getting the mood just right, especially when you detailed the scenes between the three grown up characters in the past. Beautifully done.

Criticism - As a psych person, what the previous commenters said hit right home as I was reading too. Recollections are not so easily done. One session and wham, everything comes back. Nope. Might have worked better in snatches, story-wise too as well as keeping in line with reality.

Second, I didn't really feel Simon's feelings in this one. It was too clinical. He's come face to face with what made him what he is, and he's unemotionally taking it all in. I would have wanted him to rail at the unfairness of it and cry and flail and kneel and want to die. I wanted it to tear at him from the inside out. I didn't feel it.

But. All said and done, still some of the finest writing on this site. :)

sliding back to lazy 8. TK U MLJ LV NV

Agree with all the previous comments. The parts I had issues with were the mechanics, the dreamlike state which wasn't dream like. But the bottomline, it's still a very well written piece and although I haven't liked Simon from the beginning this changes my feelings towards him some...excited for the next part.

Simon really comes alive here. How could he have NOT turned into a serial killer?