All Comments on 'Lovers Ch. 01'

Enjoyed your first story, hope chapter comes soon. As for the grammar police, they should be outlawed.

I'll try to be nicer than the other commentators. Your story could do with some work. Try getting a volunteer editor from the list to help you out. You badly need it.

Keep on writing. I look forward to the next chapters.

u have potential. Try writing about the peeping, snooping and jo. The real events will make for better stories

I would reiterate the previous comments, but I also think you need to create more of a buildup. This story goes too quickly into the siblings getting together. Giving more background to lead to the climactic confession will make it that much more rewarding on our (the readers') part.

I liked your basic set up, but as others said, you really need to proof your work before publishing. You should do something to break up those run on sentences, even if the only punctuation mark you use is a period.

As for that guy talking about deleting comments, sure they are copyrighted. That doesn't mean you have to allow those copyrighted comments to be displayed. You just can't claim that they are yours or make money off of them. If people use abusive language or even off topic language (as described by whatever TOS the site has) the site is free to remove those comments.

It does seem that you are rushing the movement of the story, not to mention making some minor errors in grammar. Such as flip-flopping and misspelling words so that sentences become hard to follow. I am also wondering if this guy with the 9'0" cock is in guiness book of records. Other than that I like where the story is going, it just needs a little more attention and polish before you put it out there to be read.

Sweet!

The thought of him fucking his little sister is hot, and I hope that he fucks his lonely mom too.

Thanks for the start of what I hope will be a hot series.

I agree with the comments here. You are off to a good start, but you are a bit quick by jumping in too soon with the relationship between them. Take your time and build up the story over a bit longer time. There is nothing wrong with using a couple of chapters to lay down the foundation of the story. For me some of the best stories here is the ones that build up the story over time. In the beginning there's nearly no action at all in them, but thats okay, because the story has a good natural flow, and you get to really know the characters and the building of the relationship between them.

Poor mommy is all lonely cuz daddy run off with his little secretary,,, dayum how many daddies do this daily,, according to literotica everyone of them,,, as always mom has gigantic d tits sis has c tits that will soon be bigger tits then moms and ohhhhhhh yes my humongous fat 9 inch cock,,, its ok pencil dick we no its fiction but at least wewould hope for some creativity from at least a few writers

SAME OLD SAME OLD

VERNO

This is a hard HARD read...but not in a good way. I made it two paragraphs before the POOR grammar and run on sentences made it impossible to read further. GET AN EDITOR, FOR GODS SAKE.

Mom is sooo petite - 42D!!

Sorry but for god's sake learn to spell or use some kind of spellcheck! It ruins the flow of any story when there are so many mistakes.

punc·tu·a·tion

ˌpəNG(k)(t)SHəˈwāSH(ə)n/

noun

1.

the marks, such as period, comma, and parentheses, used in writing to separate sentences and their elements and to clarify meaning.

A Good introduction to a continuing story. Look forward to many exciting chapters.

As per irishmike73 below. Too many sentances running into each other without a thought of breaking them up with commas or even a full stop & starting a new sentance. A good editor is definitely needed.

I couldn't stay with it. The writing was so miserable that the character's supposed ambition to learn journalism and become a writer was a hilarious irony. The flow of the story was totally out of control (at least as far as I could make myself read).

I am sorry but this story sucked. You need to use spell check and an editor in the worst way.