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hot hot hot
who the hell is this idiot anonymous that was one of the hottest stories I have read isn't that what this site is about?
stylistic no-no
This story has an irritating stylistic flaw. The story as written is in the form of a second-person narrative. The 'you' is presumably the wife. The story is written as if the author is talking to his wife. Problem is: when I am reading the story, then 'I' am the 'you' (as if the narrator were talking to me).
When I read a sentence such as "As he's kissing you, you reach down and start stroking his cock again, then slowly guide it to your already full, wet pussy." I'm thinking, WTF? I'm a guy, I don't have a pussy!
Suggestion: Write it from the narrator's first-person perspective, telling the read what the narrator and his wife did, . Or write it in third-person.
If this story was under the heading "Letters & Transcripts", a letter to the narrator's wife then the writing would make sense. I the reader could play the role of voyeur.
Enjoyed
Nice story and looking back at some of the women I dated, as well as the one I married, very realistic!
Totally agree with Anon Second Person
It was several paragraphs before the writer referred to me, the reader, as "you". That really blows the whole story for me, but it is especially annoying and disconcerting as a guy when the writer has me kissing him and sucking his dick. Who are these stories written for? Second person is VERY difficult to pull off even for experienced writers. It is rarely used by professionals.
This would have been an effective story as a first person narrative by the writer. Refer to yourself as "I/me" and refer to your wife as "she/her", not "you".
Second Person Story--Again!
When I start reading these stories, it usually looks like the indroduction is in 2nd person and the rest might just be in 1st. When I find out the story is ALL in 2nd person--after a couple paragraphs--I relegate it to the trash heap. As rjordan said..stories written in the first person--I/me, he/she, etc.--are much more interesting. 2nd person is boring and puts me in the story in an undesirable position.
you got
a one. can't you say
"she did " so and so. what's so hard about making it believable?
boring
read as far as her going to bathroom with guys, just too boring to keep my attention. sorry
Such A Stupid Collection Of Comments
Get real, guys, and tell about how much "fun" it is when she picks up one or more STDs rom the two "Pongers" she fucks and immediately shares them with her "loving" hubby. That beats the hell out of concerns about writing in second person.
Hot, sexy story
I finished reading this story with a hard, wishing this was my wife.
Fantastic story and looking forward to more.
Thanks
Joe
1*
I didn't finish reading. I could a queer wrote the story because he was making the husband a queer. It belongs in the gay male section.
Since the attention deficit moron couldn't finish the story
I fail to see how can he rate it. Reading his comment I realize that he rated the story based on what he interpreted the end to be. So in effect he rated his imagination 1. Cheers!!
The Best
There is nothing like having a slutty girlfriend. Marry that girl!
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