I gave it a 5*. Will read the story later. I am more erudite than him - he reads the first para and skips to the end to vote. I read the title and gave the rating.
Thanks to all who read and vote on this story. It was hard to pick a category. I chose Loving wives since there were quite a few married couples involved.
I hope you enjoyed the story. A little different than some of my others. I always try to give you my best. I know every story isn't for everyone.
With respect
DG
by
Anonymous10/19/11
good story
tenuous Halloween theme, bit of a stretch but pulled it off, good description of the exotic erotic night, only been once and my eyes still haven't recovered...
For a author of DG's caliber , this story was a little rote .
Mind you , it's still better then 80 percent of what is to be read in Loving Wives ! I kept waiting for humor / love / decency moment that is Mr. Hear's signature .
This story read like a neophyte thriller & it certainly wasn't bad. In fact it was pretty good. Yet it didn't showcase the author's strengths that can be found in so many of his other stories.
It was pretty straight forward in terms of plot, essentially a murder mystery. For a minute I thought all the wives were in on it, swapping off murders of their husbands but it turns out it was just one disturbed woman.
I think it could have been better edited. There were several places you made a point and a few sentences later, repeated the same information.
And I have to ask, is there really someone living in the city stupid enough to put their key under the mat?
Great story, from the master of great stories. I live in Michigan and all of the Detroit stuff rang so true. I loved the mystery of it. I really thought it was sue for a while, but you still got your happy ending. The same way you do in the massage paroles on Jefferson, lol. Great job! SS06
Great story Mr. Hear. I can see why Stang makes me read all of your stories. This was really good. StangStar does live in Michigan but he lives so far out in country that he has to drive for a half hour on the freeway to get to Detroit. But your story did really feel like Detroit. Being an Ohio girl, I go to Detroit often for sports etc.
You wrote this like you've been there.
Jasonnh, I understand your comment. Here's my view, as copy editor: The problem with editing first-person narration is that people don't talk like academic texts, or even informal writing. Sometimes they repeat themselves, because they lose their train of thought, or for emphasis, or simply because they have a verbal tic. So yes, it's discursive, and repetitive; but if I cut it all out, the character gets lost, and it becomes third person omniscient and not first person narration at all. The hard part is to keep the character's individuality without distracting the reader. And I guess I didn't chop enough this time.
I thought it was a really great story. You had me believing it was his girlfriend for little while, but I began thinking that it was just too obvious.
It may have been slightly miscategorized, but I always read your stories regardless of the category codes. I would probably pass on the Gay Male category, but I don't expect to see you listed with that crowd. Personally, I think you are one of the very best writers on this site, but you know that already. Thank you for all that you do for this site.
The worrisome part was that everything was pointing to Sue, but then she did not have Silver Honda. Perhaps theý should normally catch someone by crossing all owners of Silver Hondas with the information about the deceased... Sue though got out from under the axe. Nice Story. Thanks.
Just one little detail I found strange: 'It was no lineup, but they let the witness look into the interogation room'. They only have one eye witness for five murders and they let him informally look at the main suspect? Great Idea, now he is useless for any actual lineup. I sense a few detectives in detroit are not too eager to keep their jobs.
Great tale. The only question refers to the killer and her role-playing with her husband. Did he really cheat or was he just playing his part of the game? No matter in the end. She was still out of her mind. Oh well.
English
DETROIT CITY, BARS AND CARS
3rd time is proving a charm, except for the 6. TK U MLJ LV NV
Since Moron is going to visit and give it a 1*
I gave it a 5*. Will read the story later. I am more erudite than him - he reads the first para and skips to the end to vote. I read the title and gave the rating.
Nothing to do with Loving or Wives - should be in a different category - maybe non-erotic?
Just being a married woman is not enough to legitimize this story being in LW.
A very vanilla story which had almost no thrill or mystery- very reminiscent of author's other romance pablum.
DG Hear
Thanks to all who read and vote on this story. It was hard to pick a category. I chose Loving wives since there were quite a few married couples involved.
I hope you enjoyed the story. A little different than some of my others. I always try to give you my best. I know every story isn't for everyone.
With respect
DG
good story
tenuous Halloween theme, bit of a stretch but pulled it off, good description of the exotic erotic night, only been once and my eyes still haven't recovered...
good story
nice read
How many women have multiple wigs?
Great story, actually. And yes, I was convinced that Sue/Susan was the murderer. Nice work!
For a author of DG's caliber , this story was a little rote .
Mind you , it's still better then 80 percent of what is to be read in Loving Wives ! I kept waiting for humor / love / decency moment that is Mr. Hear's signature .
This story read like a neophyte thriller & it certainly wasn't bad. In fact it was pretty good. Yet it didn't showcase the author's strengths that can be found in so many of his other stories.
Nice story
It was pretty straight forward in terms of plot, essentially a murder mystery. For a minute I thought all the wives were in on it, swapping off murders of their husbands but it turns out it was just one disturbed woman.
I think it could have been better edited. There were several places you made a point and a few sentences later, repeated the same information.
And I have to ask, is there really someone living in the city stupid enough to put their key under the mat?
Go DG
Great story, from the master of great stories. I live in Michigan and all of the Detroit stuff rang so true. I loved the mystery of it. I really thought it was sue for a while, but you still got your happy ending. The same way you do in the massage paroles on Jefferson, lol. Great job! SS06
Ha ha ha!
Great story Mr. Hear. I can see why Stang makes me read all of your stories. This was really good. StangStar does live in Michigan but he lives so far out in country that he has to drive for a half hour on the freeway to get to Detroit. But your story did really feel like Detroit. Being an Ohio girl, I go to Detroit often for sports etc.
You wrote this like you've been there.
Very Good
You never know.
A Reply to Jasonnh
Jasonnh, I understand your comment. Here's my view, as copy editor: The problem with editing first-person narration is that people don't talk like academic texts, or even informal writing. Sometimes they repeat themselves, because they lose their train of thought, or for emphasis, or simply because they have a verbal tic. So yes, it's discursive, and repetitive; but if I cut it all out, the character gets lost, and it becomes third person omniscient and not first person narration at all. The hard part is to keep the character's individuality without distracting the reader. And I guess I didn't chop enough this time.
DG, YOU ARE THE MAN!
I thought it was a really great story. You had me believing it was his girlfriend for little while, but I began thinking that it was just too obvious.
It may have been slightly miscategorized, but I always read your stories regardless of the category codes. I would probably pass on the Gay Male category, but I don't expect to see you listed with that crowd. Personally, I think you are one of the very best writers on this site, but you know that already. Thank you for all that you do for this site.
Real good!
It was so good, I wished there was more.
Nice smooth story
The worrisome part was that everything was pointing to Sue, but then she did not have Silver Honda. Perhaps theý should normally catch someone by crossing all owners of Silver Hondas with the information about the deceased... Sue though got out from under the axe. Nice Story. Thanks.
Great Job
Really nice story. I look forward to reading your stories. You are a good writer, please keep it up.
Yup! Deeeetroit.
DGH,
13th precinct. n loads of fun, the "Berries"
Thanks for sharing on Lit.
x
5 stars
I do not know if I read any wrong stories from DGHear.
great job, DGH!
keep up the good work.
Very nice Story!
Just one little detail I found strange: 'It was no lineup, but they let the witness look into the interogation room'. They only have one eye witness for five murders and they let him informally look at the main suspect? Great Idea, now he is useless for any actual lineup. I sense a few detectives in detroit are not too eager to keep their jobs.
Nicely done -
The detective mystery was a good angle a well played - the romance piece stayed mysterious long enough to hold interest too -
Great thanks -
Very interesting and frothed with drama til Sue was in the clear.
Fantastic story, that ended too soon. All the good ones are like that to me. Thanks for your five star effort.
Nice
Great tale. The only question refers to the killer and her role-playing with her husband. Did he really cheat or was he just playing his part of the game? No matter in the end. She was still out of her mind. Oh well.
a good l;ittle tale
and very believable too....
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