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English
Hot Story
A very hot start to a great opening chapter! I can't wait to read the next chapter to see where it goes. Keep it coming and thanks for writing.
wow
wow...so so soooo very good
Fantastic beginning, but...
You have opened a very powerful area of thought here. Two very masculine men who love each other even physically. It is an area that has very little attention currently and it deserves a whole lot larger a spot in the spotlight.
Be careful!!
Very nice
Damn, girl, that was hot! I did not see any grammar or usage mistakes, and your diction is pretty good. I love all your characters in this chapter- however short- already. I think it would be interesting to put a short POV of one of the guys' and exemplify what they think of her. We know the most basic descriptions of Lillian, but that's it. Is she cute or hot? Or just plain looking? I ddnt really like her plane-boarding outfit (I'm not a fan of knee-length skirts on anyone under the age of 40- with exceptions- but that's just me:P), but I DID like the simple red shirt and jeans pair (simple, but could easily be sexy, depending on the girl). Maybe add some more details of the characters' relationships and how they were when they were younger. Were they all nerdy, lame outcasts? Or did Lillian (for example) grow more popular? The two guys do sound very sexy indeed. (; and their little make-out session you briefly described was hot- I'm straight, but that was just hot. Still, it was a bit confusing when you described Marcus- you weren't as clear as you could have been. And who's Nick? You included that name, and either I missed that character or you had a typo? Lillian's masturbation session in the shower was described decently, but you could have spent more time there and added more details (like of her possibly using a hand-held shower handle to massage her clit while she finger-fucked herself- although you didn't imply this, a reader could think she orgasmed without clitoral stimulation, which is pretty unlikely/uncommon in a real-life situation, and I hate it when authors write too unrealistically). Regardless, I understand that this is YOUR story- and an amazing one at that- so you don't have to listen to any of my comments unless if you want to:P Any way, awesome job, girl. Loved it!
19 :D's / 23 :D's
Keep up the good work:)
- love LaLaLadidahGirl
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