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English
A leisurely start
This was a nice, fun, an relaxed read. I really enjoyed the combination of a first person yet almost passive narration; we look through Ria's eyes, but it's just that; we receive relatively few of her thoughts, just enough to understand her context, and instead focus more on Tim and the events of the story. Especially now at the beginning, when the notion of an angel could really be chalked full of drama, the writing style makes it feel very relaxed, a gentle introduction rather than a trial by fire. I really like this narrative style, and look forward to more of it.
With respect to the story, this is a pleasant start. While it hasn't distinguished itself yet in terms of pure plot, it's also only the first chapter, and you've laid the groundwork for any number of interesting developments. In particular, once we've explored the idea of the Guardian Angel a bit further, I look forward to seeing where the conflict will come from, as well as all the character interactions based around it which are entailed. I admit I find myself wondering if we might not see a little more of Ria's overhead, a bit of divine interference later on, though at this point I'm just getting ahead of myself.
In general, I really enjoyed this story, and hope that the urge strikes you to write more and share it with us. I, for one, look forward to it.
Why is this not NON HUMAN category
I would have missed this story if I hadn't caught the subtext on ch. 2 mentioning 'true nature' as I'm not into straight romance as much as romance in fantasy etc. This being about an angel belongs in non-human and I think a lot of readers who would love this are missing it. HOpe you reclassify it.
The story overall caught my attention. I would have liked you to pay more attention to making it believable. Ok that sounds funny when referring to a story about an angel, but what I mean is maybe making her story more believable and by extension not making it seem unreasonable that a guy would take a girl in who shows up with no luggage but has clothes to change into the next day and who he doesn't ask where she works, etc. Her mentioning helping his daughter would have led to most saying 'were you in her class' (since he mentioned her being close to her age) or trying to narrow down how they met a bit more. I'd like to feel like she had made up a story that was believable enough and with less holes so that he didn't seem too foolish to pick up on these obvious inconsistencies.
I like Tim's character which you make shine through. He is a good man, trusting, generous and kind. I'd like for you to develop the characters more by telling us more about his life (the daughter, wife who is gone, his job, etc.) I'd also really like to know more about her existence. Just try to put more deatils in like where is the town, what type of place does he live? Is it a large spread outside of town or a house in town? Describe the house maybe. Overall, try to draw more of a picture for the reader.
Overall, I enjoyed the beginning and I wouldn't want to know all of these things if I didn't really like it, so please don't see it as negative. Look forward to more.
good start
However it does seem strange that he's let someone who claims to know him but never actually explains how he does into his home and gives them a key...I think that's a bit of a weak part of the story. Otherwise, nice pace, good dialogue!
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