The Gym

The narrator talks like my bigot grandfather, and the story makes me feel the same kind of awkward when talking to him. I wouldn't really classify this as "erotic", but the quippy writing style kept me reading to the end.

You Got It Exactly

Your comment is entirely correct. That was exactly the effect for which I was aiming. I see the story has gotten terrible scores. I'm not surprised; it is unpleasant. However, I was not seeking to amuse, but to draw a picture.

Different, and pretty well written

Like the other commenter, I didn't get much of a personal sense of eroticism out of this story. However, as an exercise in writing, this is very well done and it very clearly captures the imagery of a misogynistic voyeur in a seedy gym watching the gyms women get through their workouts. I imagine that much of the gym going male population can identify with at least portions of this story, no matter how un-PC it might be to admit it.
Far better writing and imagination than many of the stories on here, and since this is supposed to be a site about erotic "literature", I feel it should be getting higher scores than the standard "I have a 19 inch cock, and here's how I fucked 28 women in a week" drivel that often gets posted.
Good Effort.

Meh

I thought that the writing would be at least above par since the author mentioned it would be, but overall a weak story that didn't bring me into the plot whatsoever.