Mutual Incest

I'll Go Easy...

Since this was your first post, I'll go easy on you. Stay "caught" in the thought and don't bother putting it out here for others tro read. At best, this was poorly written, seemingly written by a fifth grader. I'd tell you to get an editor, but that would be a moot point.

this sounded as stale as a medical report. where is the passion??

KEEP TRYING

JUST CHECKED OUT YOU STORY NOT BAD FOR A FIRST. DONT LET THE ANONYMOUS ASS HOLES GET YOU DOWN. IF THEY HAD BALLS THEY WOULD LEAVE THEIR NAMES. AGAIN DONT LET THEM GET YOU DOWN. BEGIN BY WHRITING DOWN THE STORY AND THEN REWRITE UNTIL YOU THINK IT IS GOOD. THEN THINK OF WAYS TO IMPROVE THE STORY. HAVE A GOOD ONE AND KEEP TRYING,

What brianbigdogsmith wrote

It was a good first try but needs to be more descriptive in areas.

Nice First Try

My best advice would be to slow the story down alittle. The sex just felt really rushed. I think if you do that the other issues will work themselves out.
So keep writing....the good far out weights the bad.

You lost me in paragraph 2.

Him and his siblings were nothing like their parents

Not too good man.

You need to just forget it!!!!

re: KEEP TRYING

"JUST CHECKED OUT YOU STORY NOT BAD FOR A FIRST."

That was the sum of your comments on the story. The rest is about how people who think different from you are not allowed to state their opinions --- and THEY'RE the assholes. Ya got a fucked up definition of the word, moron.

not well edited or paced

Grammar errors were distracting. Factual errors also....an excuse about a Dr. Appointment on Thanksgiving??? Needed more thought, more plot, more polish. A 10-incher..why???

Good, but just too fast!

You have all the potential but you just rushed it, flesh out you characters more, eye color, general life, etc.

Please write chapter 2 but spend more time on it.

Terrible grammar

Your awful grammar makes the story very hard to read and enjoy. After the second paragraph I stopped.

Before you publish the story on this and any other sites, I'd suggest you give it to someone with good writing skills to edit and correct.

WTF? Seriously WTF

Dude get a grip. I had to stop reading two paragraphs down.

The title should have been a tip off.

Then the grammar errors and the... oh, it needs work. Get an editor, make the changes and resubmit. The story has promise.

Give it UP!

The story had all the makings of a good one, but as many have said: your grammar sucks, your storyline is full of stupid errors (the DR appointment on Thanksgiving) and, for many of us, the FRIED turkey - oh yes - the 10" dong. My advice: some are not cut out to write, some are - you're NOT. Quit while you're ahead!

A little rushed, but a good storyline

Could have been more descriptive in the sex scenes,and given a beter account of what they did the next morning. Made it a little more erotic and explicit.

It's a shame she didn't move in with her brother so he could fuck her every day.

Thanks for the read.

I read the first three paragraphs.

And that was too much, could have been a good story I think, but I'll never know!

Awful!

Just awful. No stars.

For once, I agree with the Anons

This was TERRIBLE! There was no passion, no love. You rushed it, and you could probably do much better.

the story was not that bad

I liked it, except that the boy should have fucked his sister up her cunt, not her asshole. It's up his sister's cunt that a boy's creamy sperm belongs.

Funny thing, he has a 10 inch dick and...

She takes it in her ass with no lube mentioned or any difficulty, either. Preposterous! Otherwise a fair to good story.

Hmm

Poorly written, no characterization whatsoever, ridiculously rushed and really just not particularly entertaining let alone engaging at least besides the ridiculously sill tropes littered throughout that almost make this seem like a joke, but really the entire story is surmised as, she blew him, and lo it was good, they had sex... Apparently and then went for anal because hey why not... Apparently and lo twas amazing as she has an ass made of pure elastic. Try actually writing next time.