ideas are good, needs to be edited by an English speaker, just for flow and word usage
by
Anonymous12/11/11
To anonymous:
Obviously she didn't care about her ex you idiot. Go back and re-read the first chapter
by
Anonymous12/12/11
I agree with another reader
The girl is a cheap slut and has no morals whatsoever. As I remember, Luca did love her andshe treated him very badly. Hopefully what goes, comes around her way. Besides that I do like both Weres and Vampires and am not too enthusiastic, when they have to fight one another because the author says so...
Men om jag får ge lite konstruktiv kritik så är det att inte gå för fort fram i storyn. Ta dig tid att bygga karaktärerna lite. Varför hur och så vidare. Annars bör du vara stolt över att du har en novell här. Som du skrev svenska och engelska är inte samma. ;) kram E
for a couple of different reasons. First, I had no idea that English wasn't your first language. The mistakes you have made are very common w/people who speak only English so don't let that bother you. Yes an editor might be nice but don't give up writing if you aren't successful in find one. Secondly, are you going to add some conflict into your story. Maybe she finds out what they did to her "boyfriend" or do you have something else in mind? I will be watching for chapter 3 to see where you take the story next.
by
Anonymous03/08/12
More
Please keep writing, I would love to read more
by
Anonymous05/21/12
Keep writing.
by
Anonymous07/05/12
MORE MORE MORE
Please write more. I'm already in love with the story!
English
No
This makes no sense. Mate or not you don't fuck the man who killed your boyfriend less than 24 hours ago.Please, rethink this whole story
To Anonymous Commenter:
You think that in reasonable stories women don't turn around and marry their lovers' murderers?
Tell it to the author of Hamlet.
still choppy
ideas are good, needs to be edited by an English speaker, just for flow and word usage
To anonymous:
Obviously she didn't care about her ex you idiot. Go back and re-read the first chapter
I agree with another reader
The girl is a cheap slut and has no morals whatsoever. As I remember, Luca did love her andshe treated him very badly. Hopefully what goes, comes around her way. Besides that I do like both Weres and Vampires and am not too enthusiastic, when they have to fight one another because the author says so...
Keep working
Keep writing, I think you have something that could be a really good story. :)
Bra jobbat
Men om jag får ge lite konstruktiv kritik så är det att inte gå för fort fram i storyn. Ta dig tid att bygga karaktärerna lite. Varför hur och så vidare. Annars bör du vara stolt över att du har en novell här. Som du skrev svenska och engelska är inte samma. ;) kram E
Interesting
for a couple of different reasons. First, I had no idea that English wasn't your first language. The mistakes you have made are very common w/people who speak only English so don't let that bother you. Yes an editor might be nice but don't give up writing if you aren't successful in find one. Secondly, are you going to add some conflict into your story. Maybe she finds out what they did to her "boyfriend" or do you have something else in mind? I will be watching for chapter 3 to see where you take the story next.
More
Please keep writing, I would love to read more
Keep writing.
MORE MORE MORE
Please write more. I'm already in love with the story!
more
enjoyed reading564A
Love this story.
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