Weekend Visit Ch. 01

just

a very poor tale

Nice start

Hey, that's a nice, tender start, It is somewhat unbelievable having you climb up on top of her and she remained asleep. But continue with the story and you can get all these kinks worked out, i.e., she was pretending to be asleep to see what you would do, etc etc etc.

Joe

Far fetched

I was with you until the girl became a sex doll. To avoid ridiculing you; the story could happen as told, just not in my thinking. That is like my thinking and my opinion are like an asshole, we all have them. Decent ramp up to start things out.
RS

sell your computer

Thanks for the feedback

Thank you for the comments everyone.

There seems to be a misunderstanding about the story though. Everyone said that the story is implausible because there was no way that she couldn't have woken up, but the implication was that she actually was awake, and was only pretending to be asleep. Just wanted to make this clearer for everyone.

This is my first story, and I'm kind of a novice at this, so what can I do to improve my writing?

A great start

Now he has to fuck his cousin,and perhaps his mom and aunt too.

There's a lot of ways this story could go, and I hope to see more soon.

Thanks for the read.

Great story keep going.

Great story I can't wait to see how their story continues!

plz continue

that titfucking part got me.. plz more :D 5/5

Write more

You did very well for your first submission plese make a sequel soon I enjoyed it.

Finish the stories

big problem

the big problem is YOU know what is happening BUT FAILED to properly let us know, we can't see in your warped mind so you need to spell everything out in detail. best thing you can do is delete and rewrite using a good editor before reposting.