All Comments on 'The Hook Up'

Bad writing (she 'rapped' her arms around him?) and contrived situation.

Maybe an editor could help, but this was poor.

A story needs something to set it apart. Otherwise it's just another of hundreds of 'big cock fucks girl' stories. Try again.

Not a bad story, but spoilt by the the miss use of words.

Also it would have been better with a bit of romance instead of the wham bang thank you Mam approach.

Take this as constructive criticism rater than a knock back and further submissions will be much better.

Too many grammar errors (Adidas is a brand name, and thunder is not a proper name just too start).

The girl is also 5'3" and 100 lbs, which means that she probably wouldn't have a "plump behind" or b-c cup breasts because she doesn't have enough body mass.

I can say this because my girlfriend is a former ballet dancer who is 5'3", weighs 110 lbs with a-cup breasts, and there isn't an extra ounce of body fat on her.

Women are supposed to have curves and not be anorexic with tits.