by nycperv
Nice story with generally good readability, but when you make basic mistakes on simple things like when to use she and when to use her it distracts from the story line. BTW you use she in the subjective case ie "she and Jane took turns sucking my cock" where she and Jane are the subject of the sentence. The easy way to tell is to write the sentence without the second subject. ie "she took turns" not "her took turns" Good luck and keep on writing!
soooooo hot you are by far the best writer. my dick was so hard! so much detail!!!!!!!
Not very realistic on many levels. Wild 18 year old girls that ride huge dicks like pros, huh? They love huge loads of semen, too? Ok.
Also, the dialogue was off. You have the young women speaking like 13 year old boys think.
A little obsessive about breasts whereas putting his penis into each girl's vagina is the priority. All the spraying semen about is wasted if it is not inside a pulsating cunt - and each pussy yearns to be filled.
Each girl could them have the streamers of cum licked out by him as well as by the other girl,.
The "pick-up'" of the girls was well done. Always interesting as to how the sex started.