Walking In The Rain

Rich with feeling

You know what I felt about this when I read this for the first time. Reading it again, I'll just say that you managed to convey the tearing agony of falling in love with the wrong person very well. The end got me again. A story that needed to be told coupled with good writing. Kudos.

very good. the first one I've read with characters who feel the guilt of their action. keep up.

excellent

I love stories with this kind of depth and emotion I just wish it had a happy ending for the brother

So, is that your life story? You have a picture that says "I love walking in the rain cause no one knows I'm crying." Sad end for the brother.

Gene Kelly

Gene Kelly sang "Singing in the Rain"

Not bad . . .

You tackled the unpleasant side of consensual incest, which is the hurt that usually accompanies the realization that incestuous relationships are all impossible to maintain. However, the story lacked some development and explanation, like . . . how is it that two kids who grow up in foster care simply leave home, buy a loft in Soho, and attend Fordham law school without first getting a bachelor's degree?

"Stinking in the Rain"...

... is what this story SHOULD have been titled. Contrary to the comment placed by "kaidman", I found no "depth" to the story. There's scarcely any background to either of the characters (how can a kid from what is apparently foster-care scrape up the cash to go to any college for 4 years of pre-law and then qualify for admission to a prestigious school such as Fordham?) and the author has apparently never heard of a little literary tactic called "dialogue".

And, if you stop and think on it a minute, "Walking in the Rain (With the One I Love)", by Barry White and Love Unlimited, would have been a much more appropriate song to quote at the story's outset.

total garbage

i agree with most of the comments below you really screwed up bad.
the end ruined any chance of it being good. bad enough she left and got married but what kind of idiot keeps track of her on the internet it would just keep the wound open. why would she keep him as a friend on facebook seems she would block him immediatly. do a rewite and keep it atleast somewhat realistic the whole end after the plane took off was STUPID AND UN BELIEVABLE.

It's called realism

This stories only downfall, if it had one, is realism. This is how true life incest ends, usually unhappily. I think this was well done and realistically portrayed. And to the any mouses questioning how a foster kid attends college? There are these things called scholarships.

Well written

Mechanically, I saw little that a good editor couldn't catch (like an unintentional switch in POV). Story-wise, it could benefit from some development. Still, I think you succeeded in capturing the narrator's angst at the end. I don't have a problem with the sad ending. Sometimes that's the way it is. There is one comment above that is pretty useless and mean-spirited. Delete that garbage.

very sad but very good

i loved the last line

The problem is...

He didn't fuck his sister hard enough. If he had done the job right, she would not have left.

Very Realistic

Typical of the effects of incest as one of the narrator commented. I need more realistic picture of incest instead of the regular forever-ending sex type of those that I have read thus far. Good job!Typical of the effects of incest as one of the narrator commented. I need more realistic picture of incest instead of the regular forever-ending sex type of those that I have read thus far. Good job!

sinatra?

Frank was 14 when singing in the rain was published, Sammy did it in the 70's and Gene Kelly made it most famous in the 40's. Mint Royale in the 00's. No Sinatra.

The last line.

Made this story awesome.

Too Bad, So Sad, But True!

That's the way it works - at least, all too often. Everyone is right - the last line was beautiful!!

liked this very much

I think this story shows the real life effects of what happens when you give in to your impulses. Very craftily written, even if it is with a few grammar errors.


I love how so many people leave negative comments anonymously.
Lets start with the "who keeps track of her on Facebook comment. Almost everyone i know keeps track of their ex's on Facebook, my space or whatever other site they have. The sister doesn't delete him because she cares and may very well be doing the same, but the story is told from the brothers view and he wouldn't know if she is doing the same thing or not.

to the comment about how a foster kid finds enough money to go to a 4 year program... hello scholarships for good grades or athletics, and lenders do not discriminate against foster kids when it comes to student loans. Hell half the time foster kids work harder then anyone else you will meet. Also Ford-ham is not just a law school. They also have pre-law that will transfer into their law program.... i looked it up.

Dialog is not necessary when someone is retelling a story from their past, much like when a grandfather tells stories of when he was young. My grandfather never used exact phrases others used when talking about experiences with others.


"Singing in the Rain" was first performed by Doris Eaton Travis in the 1929 revue The Hollywood Music Box Revue. It has since been sung by many others.

as far as this being the authors life story.... if it is then kudos to the author for having the guts to write it.

wow...

No matter how creatively you put you piece together your work, and even if they dont have the rainbows and sunny distinct happy endings, they are beautifully realistic. You are a true artist. Can't wait for your next submission..... yours, GC

beautiful

I have never read a story on here that made my heart flutter like this one did... or make tears come to my eyes. This story is perfect. Absolutely perfect. Thank you for making me feel something besides arousal. There's nothing wrong with arousal, but the other emotions let us know we are human as well. Thank you for sharing something utterly beautiful.

Sweet sorrow

A reader should take what they get from a story. Many demand more and better from the author. Dialogue, background, character development, etc could be seen as constructive criticism. This is a late added comment where the author left the story as it was. I like that and I think Goody along with a few others hit the subject correctly. To know great love for only a few moments and watch that love removed from your life is very difficult. That is the way I see it.
RS

Well done

Unlike many stories of this genre, true to real life - poignant, yet somehow uplifting at the same time. Not much to add beyond the other comments - good stuff.

wow

A sadly beautiful story.I loved it.

Very nice

This is what I am coming to love about the contests. I get to find new favorite authors.

You have a very good hand at story telling. The two of yours I have read have both been a little light on the dialog, but then neither story has really had a lot of people talking to begin with. Which is just about the exact same sentence. (Smacks the back of my own head)

I hoping to see a change in that in some of the other stories you have done. If I don't though I will still enjoy what you have done.

Oh by the way I looked through the comments you have received. Take out the Anon trash. I do understand how you feel about comments, I probably feel about the same...but they are not worth saving if all they are is nasty.

M.S.Tarot

real dumb

started good then died when she moved away. really doubtful he would stay freinds with her on facebook one or both would shut the other out since staying freinds would only cause pain and sorrow. this needs a rewrite and needs to be put in the NONEROTIC area.

Wow.

A good but sad story..about to cry. :')

Probably not important but...

Gene Kelly. Frank Sinatra wasn't in Singing in the Rain.

Singing in the Rain was by Gene Kelly.

Wtf

Nothing spacial same shit boyfriend cheating go fuck brother put something exiting every one sick of this same shit

WTF II,

After a lifetime of being best friends and more, even with the incident, seems like there is no love or forgiveness in sis. Not even any communications about major events in her life. He is damn near as bad, he could have at least sent a congratulations.