- All
Comments (11) - Add a
Comment - Send
Feedback Send private anonymous feedback to the author (click here to post a public comment instead).
| Literotica Toy Store ADULT TOY & DVD STORE FAST & DISCREET |
Literotica XXX Webcams 24/7 LIVE CAMS - FREE PREVIEW W/AUDIO! |
Literotica Adult Movies STREAMING ADULT MOVIES PAY PER MINUTE |
English
Nice Little Read
Lots of potential. Can hardly wait for more, but please don't forget to include some plot.
No Story
Sorry to be negative, but two paragraphs do not make a story - fine for a holiday postcard maybe.
I like the idea
The writing isn't bad, but please, slow down!
You need build up and description to make a story really erotic.
Good Start
I'm with everybody else. More build up is essential to making this a great story. I hope you have more chapters in mind.
More Flesh Needed
The story needs a lot more flesh before getting to the pleasures of the flesh. This is little more than a teen fantasy. If you can build a story, complete with characters that have lives, then this might be zn ok starting point.
Not quite a waste of time
Good title. A simple fantasy concept like the one here is fine as a platform for developing a story, but storywise this is rushed and under developed. Rework and resubmit. Develop character and plot. Perhaps the teen protagonist has a crush on a girl - she always ignores or puts him down, then he gets the watch - now you have tension, conflict, drama and erotica. Try it and see.
more?
this is a really good story, I'd love to read more.
Please do more!
This could be a great story. I enjoyed it thoroughly despite the length, or lack of.
Interesting ...
I'd love to read more on this story. There so many possibilities open with this gift.
Liked it
Someone please write a better longer story about this please
Good story
Nice start for a "wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am". I will leave plot to others. Think of a little warm up ... how her body feels in his hands ... is she flexible or rigid ... soft or firm ... when the watch is reset to "go", how does she react after her scream of pleasure ... does she realize she has been used ... does she blush ... is she angry ... confused .......
How does he feel watching her ... how do other class members, girls and boys, react ... how does the teacher react?
Above all, when is chapter two coming?
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to Time Stop Abuse or
More submissions by sleepingsis.